I’m SEXY and I know it!

I'm sexy and I know it

 

Dear Minxes,

Welcome to autumn! I hope you all had a fabulous summer and are settling back into work/school routines well.

I have a special blog for you today, one which I have been planning for a long time.

This is all about the issues people face with body image, looks, and especially weight and how that can prevent people from feeling sexy. Here’s my story.

I’ve always been curvy. Not always overweight, but in school, at say 12/13, if my friends were a size 8 or 6, I was a 10. Boo-fucking-hoo now right? I’d literally chop off my right arm to have that figure back (I’d probably need to to fit into the jeans). But that’s when I started noticing, and other girls start noticing the way they look, their size, height, hair colour, skin colour, and weight. It was a thing, but it didn’t cripple me. That came later.

In my teens and twenties I wasn’t really into fashion or makeup. I never felt 100% like I knew what I was doing, and I didn’t care. I started drinking in sixth form, and then a lot more uni, and I put on the obligatory fresher’s 10 (pounds) or more like a stone between 18 and 22.

I still had boyfriends. I still had casual flings. I still had sex. My weight back then had fuck all to do with how attractive I was or am. It was only in my twenties, when I put on a little more, and got a set of weighing scales, that it became a problem to me.

I started working, and the weight went up…I started eating all the snacks and cakes and shit that is around an office, and my weight went up. I got into jobs that were boring, and relationships that weren’t right and started comfort eating, and the weight went up.

Most of this was my own fault. I was eating and drinking and NOT exercising. My sugar consumption was out of control. I was living on sandwiches / take away and large bottles of coke at one point. I was drinking too much, eating too much and doing fuck all about it.

I put on a fuck tonne of weight in my twenties – big fucking deal, most people do.

But what was so much worse was the damage that did to  my confidence, my levels of self esteem and how I viewed myself. There’s one thing not being able to fit into a dress, but feeling like I’m unfuckable? I’m unloveable?

That it’s OK to go out with a douche because who else would want me right? Just because I was a dress size bigger.

It’s not just me.

We seem to be a generation of women who define sexy as being a certain unobtainable goal – we have to be THIS weight and THIS height and have THIS colour hair and skin and wear THESE clothes to be sexy.

We’re bombarded every day by images and thoughts and comments and comparisons. We need external confirmation of our attractiveness, sexiness, fuckability, to feel good. No.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

This is FUCKING BULLSHIT. Sexy comes from WITHIN.

To feel sexy you have to believe in yourself and feel confident. You can lose all the weight and by the right clothes and whatever, but it has to come from your self belief in you.

I will prove this. 4 years ago, I had just broken up with a guy I was living with. I went to a friend’s wedding and I just managed to squeeze into my bridesmaid dress. I was feeling shit, and worried and stressed out and not very sexy at all.

Over the next four years, (during the course of which I put on an additional two stone) I had three medium term relationships, and some good sex, but I started to feel worse about myself, and was worried and stressed and losing confidence.

In January this year, after splitting with the man-cub, I decided that for the sake of my physical AND mental health I really should take control and do something about it.

I spent 8 months of training down the gym…better eating, NOT crash dieting, NOT fad dieting, and NOT giving up anything. I want to be healthy not a fucking saint. I started getting more sleep, and getting a lot more fresh air. I was walking a lot. I cut down on booze and caffeine and sugar. I started looking at the stressful areas of my life and making ways to change them. I’ve taken up dance classes, and started spending more time on things I really enjoy.

The result – I’ve finally made it back to the same size and weight I was at that wedding 4 years ago, but this time it’s different. I’m still curvy and still have work to do, but the way I look at myself has completely changed.

I’m happier, healthier, and I’ve got a lot more energy. The training and the exercise has been incredibly for me, but mostly because it’s helped me to feel like I’m back to my old self. In terms of this blog, one of the most important things is that my self confidence and self esteem has started to come back. That’s right. I feel sexy again.

I’m so fucking proud of how much fitter and healthier I am – that’s been amazing, especially getting back into dresses I haven’t worn since I was in my 20s and being able to walk up a hill without feeling like I’m going to die.

During this last 8 months I’ve realised that my weight, bigger or smaller… has fuck all to do with how sexy I feel. Getting fit was a good thing, but it was trigger to helping me get back into a good head space, NOT the key.

It doesn’t matter how much you weigh or how much you diet or train…feeling sexy comes from within.

So say it loud and proud Minx lovers:

I’m sexy and I know!

xxxxxxxxx

littlewelshminx

20160906_143934-1[1]

Posted in curvy girls, feeling sexy, I'm sexy and I know it, personal growth, skinny girls, Uncategorized, weightloss | Leave a comment

A Minx’s Guide to Dating: Red Flags (or listen to your gut!)

Red flag.jpg

 

Good evening my dear Minx lovers, I hope you are all well!

Tonight’s blog is going to be looking at one of the most important rules of dating. There are many different things to consider when perusing the market place, looking for your next beau. There are plenty of fish out there, but it’s important to remember that there are plenty of sharks too.

While being in the middle of this sea of choices can be confusing and more than a little scary at times, it’s important not to lose your way, and to remember to listen to your own instincts about people.

Sometimes, for no apparent reason, you’ll get a bad vibe from or about someone. Your brain will flash up a giant metaphorical red flag. You may not even know the reason why – it could be over nothing, but all of a sudden, you are having second thoughts about someone.

The tricky part about dating is that it can make you feel nervous, reserved and worried at the best of times, and your natural instinct may be to just dismiss the red flag as a minor worry or cold feet. This is where you need to stop, pause and think.

Your brain and your body are high concept machines designed to pick up on bad juujuu from other people. We have evolved a very complex system of body language and other subtle forms of communication, to be able to spot and identify potential threats to ourselves. It’s how we have survived so long.

Gut feeling is a huge part of our survival instinct, and your body and inner brain can pick up on potential issues far quicker than your conscious mind (which, let’s face it, is driven by hunger, your sex drive, the mortgage payments, far more day to day stuff).

I’ll give you a few recent examples.

I was chatting to a guy on Tinder last week. I started getting the prickly feeling – massive red flag but I couldn’t figure out why. His messages were a little flirty, perhaps on the edgier side of banter, but not too bad. Then they started getting controlling / offensive / obnoxious. This is, of course, in my opinion, and could easily be explained away as me choosing the tone and putting my own interpretation on it. Well guess what happened next?

When I mentioned I’d been out on a Saturday (after saying I was busy) I was sent:

“Who with?”

Then

“Oh – so you could have met me today then!”

I read that as controlling and / or self absorbed and stupid. NO. I couldn’t. I had spent some time with my friend, rather than ditch her for some dude I’d been chatting to briefly and not actually met yet. This wasn’t accepted as a good enough reason.

To buy my incredulity some time ( and to see what he’d do next) I asked him what he’d been up to. This was the weekend of the Pride festival in Cardiff.

He responded along the lines of:

“Oh, well I haven’t been outside today, because, you know…… It’s gay day, and….”

Yeah.

While I openly admit that digital / social media makes it really hard to judge tone, and it’s really easy to misread something, sometimes you really do have to listen to your gut.

The conversation continued. He had previously demanded that I come and pick him up – no please – which I had taken as a joke. It hadn’t been a joke. He turned out to be a homophobic, selfish, controlling prick (with crazy eyebrows) who assumed I would drop everything for him. Nice eh?

My point is that I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, and I am glad I tried and pushed through the minor alarm bells. However, once a red flag comes up – that’s me done.

In the past, I have made excuses for bad behaviour, clashes of values, cheating, addictions of various kinds. I have put up with unbelievable stupidity, lateness, bad spelling, someone trying to convert me to “save my soul”, being guilt tripped for putting someone in the friend-zone, emotional abuse, bullying, and a general lack of effort.

Guess what? That’s right. They never apologised, or changed. It never got better. It only got worse. I ended up single anyway.

These days, when I see a red flag, I’m gone.

I’m 32. I’m sexy, confident, and I’m not going to put up with this kind of shit any more. I suggest you do the same.

If you spot a red flag – RUN.

xxxxxxxxxxx

littlewelshminx

 

 

Posted in dating, dating in your 20s vs dating in your 30s, dating in your 30s, dating instincts, dating issues, fuckwits, internet dating, not putting up with shit, online dating, red flags, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Songs to help with a breakup and moving on Part 2

HowToBeSingle

Hello minxes!

Had your music inspired emotional exorcism? Feeling better? Good – and about fucking time!

The second part of this list is for when you’ve had your cry / rant, a few weeks and months have gone by, and you realise that you are still awesome, and you’re ready to pull your shit together, and move on.

OK one of my top dance tunes to get this list going.

Just a Little More Love – David Guetta Wally Lopez remix. This is a really bouncy, positive tune that always makes me smile and gets me moving. Lyrics are upbeat and basically does what it says on the tin “Just a little more love /Just a little more peace/ Is all it takes to live the dream”.

Queen – I Want to Break Free . Amazing beat to this track, one of my favourites by Queen. It’s all about embracing and loving yourself first. As Freddie says

“God knows got to make it on my own”

I’m Still Standing – Elton John. “I’m still standing after all this time / Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind”. Really upbeat song that shows life goes on and you can go on, I love its defiance.

Things Can Only Get Better – D:Ream. I’m a huge fan of early 90s dance, and I fucking love this tune. It was well before my dancing/clubbing days, but I can remember listening to this type of music and my face just lighting up. The combination of the dance beats in this track plus the unwavering blind optimism of the lyrics always makes me smile.

“I look at things now in a different light than I did before” – that’s a solid plan for anyone feeling a bit lost.

Country Girl (Shake It For Me) – Luke Bryan. I was introduced to this dude by a very dear friend a few years back (thanks Bear!) and every time I need a bit of cheering up I just stick this video on. It’s a great song with a dirty country/rock vibe and I just love watching that man shake his ass. This has given me serious Cowboy issues. Grrrr.

All Right Now – Free. One of the staple tunes in my personal songbook that has been there for as long as I can remember. A celebration of freedom and free love, an eternal anthem for grabbing and living in the moment. Carpe Diem baby.

 

And finally…Dangerzone – Kenny Loggins.

As regular readers will know, I am a HUGE fan of Top Gun, and this song is one of the reasons why. I love everything about it – the 80s power chords, the instantly recognisable riff, the vaguely abstract lyrics encouraging a speed obsession. Magic, pure and simple.

So these are my tunes for feeling awesome. Hopefully you’ve spotted at least one that you can identify with, but if not – get off your arse and go and make your own feel good playlist.

Music has always been an integral part of relationships, from the courtship stage, to the celebration of love, and is equally important on the other side when things go tits up and you’re hurting.

Music is a huge part of my life and there is always a song that will be able to awaken, or encourage you to tap into feelings, invoke a memory, or energise you into feeling better.

Breakups suck. Playlists don’t have to.

Find some mates, stick some tunes on and get back out there.

Have an awesome day minx lovers.

xxxxxxxxx

littlewelshminx

 

Posted in Being single, breakup songs, breakups, How to get over my ex, music, songs to help with a breakup, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Songs to help with a breakup and moving on Part 1

Bridget singing all by myself

Hello my dear minx lovers, I hope you have been enjoying the sunshine over this summer.

As promised in my last blog, I have been working on putting together a list of songs that I think are great for getting through a break up. It’s been long enough since Brexit….it’s time!

I am splitting this list into two sections, the first being for the immediate aftermath and following weeks when you need time to let the dust settle, let reality crash in, and to actually feel all of the feelings and experience the fun of the post break-up emotional break-up train, calling at Denial,Shock, Grief, Despair-Under-Lyme, Bargaining-Upon-Thames and Angersville Central.

 

 

The Post Break Up music list is for when things are new, raw and really shitty. At this point you should be readjusting to the new circumstances, and taking time to figure out what to do next – very similar to the general population of the UK with the recent referendum vote.

This list is to try and stop you from doing something counterproductive, like putting on 2 stone whilst eating pizza and crying into a tub of Ben and Jerry’s, or in the case of the UK, getting shitfaced and having a rebound fling with a really fucked up bad boy like North Korea, who said says they’re going to call but in actual fact they just leave you with an even worse exchange rate and a scorching case of sunburn/food poisoning and searing regret about getting involved with a trouble making bad boy that makes the breakup with Europe seem like a walk in the park.

Trust me. We don’t want to have a rebound fling with North Korea.

OK, ready for some awesome tune suggestions?

Post breakup list:

I’ll start with one of my favourite tunes – Wicked Game by Chris Issak. It’s ballsy, sexy, bluesy, and if you’re in need of tapping into some hurt to purge the demons this will do the trick. “What a wicked game you played to make me feel this way” – says it all.

Whiskey in the Jar – Metallica. One for the anger stage. Another of my favourite tunes, telling the story of a highwayman getting fucked over by his lady and Captain Farrell.

“But the devil take that woman,
Yeah, for you know she tricked me easy”

Don’t Leave – Faithless. A switch to dance track , which combines a tender poignant hook with lyrics that beautifully capture that simple moment when it’s over:

“You got me hurting,
Don’t leave”

Missing – Everything But the Girl (Todd Terry Club Mix). This talks about the post break up limbo where the hole that person has left in your life, no matter how long it’s been.

“And I miss you, like the deserts miss the rain”

Sometimes the songs in questions will be something very personal to you.

With the most recent ex, when we finally had the goodbye chat and drink, we sat for hours in a quiet pub, alone together for a few hours for the first time in over 6 months. While we were talking and saying our goodbyes, When a Man Loves a Woman – Percy Sledge came on in the background, and now it’ll always remind me of saying goodbye to him.

There are many many others that I could have mentioned –

Nothing Compares 2 You – Sinead O’Connor, Natalie Imbruglia’s Torn, Somebody That I Used to Know by Goyte, the classic Don’t Speak by No Doubt, LeAnn Rimes How Do I Live, I Will Always Love You by Whitney or Dolly, Abba’s The Winner Takes It All.

Take your pick. The point is that music is a good way of tapping into the feelings and letting them out so you can move on…to part two.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

littlewelshminx

 

Posted in music, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

We stand together.

littlewelshminx

 

Dear Minx Lovers,

In the last few weeks it feels like the world has been turned upside down.

The Stanford University rape trial, where the judge who gave that rapist bastard (I refuse to speak his name) a lenient sentence.

The Orlando shootings. An evil murderer ripped through an LGBT club in Orlando, taking innocent lives, and destroying families and an entire community in one night.

The Jo Cox murder, where less than 2 weeks ago, MP Jo Cox, and women’s rights campaigner, was murdered outside her constituency office, for what appears to be her political views.

What the actual fuck? How is this possible? And the biggest question- why?

The truth is that I don’t know. I don’t know why. For the most part, I don’t think we’re going to get answer.

All you can do when faced with things like this is to look at yourself and how you react, and respond.

So today I want to focus on the positives of these events.

I want to celebrate the two Swedish students, Carl-Fredrik Arndt and Peter Jonsson, who stopped to intervene when they saw a woman being raped. One chased the rapist while the other stayed with the girl and they held him and contacted the police.They saw something wrong, and they stepped in and stopped it.

The mass outpouring of support for the victim, and outrage at the leniency of the sentence. This is what decent people do.

I want to celebrate the people who with various acts saved lives in the Orlando shooting. Imran Yousuf, a bouncer who opened a door to help people escape, then stayed to help carry the wounded to ambulances. The emergency services and hospital staff who arrived on the scene and treated the wounded. The hundreds of people who donated blood in the following days. The vigils that were held around the world to show support of the LGBT community in Orlando.

The love that has been show for Jo Cox, and the recognition of the work she was doing, and what she was fighting for. The show of strength and unity in Parliament as they honoured her memory and swore to be there for her family. The tributes paid up and down the country by people who knew her and the support shown by people who didn’t.

We must focus on the fact that in the face of evil, terror, rape and murder, good honest people have stood up and shown love, compassion, courage, and unity.

We cannot change what has happened, but in the days and weeks and months to come, we can choose how we will react to it.

I ask you all to think about what’s happened in the last month. I want you to think about the people you love, your families and friends. I want you to think about your own views, sexual preferences, political stances, relationships, and remember what’s happened in Orlando, Stanford, and the UK.

It doesn’t matter if someone votes a different way to you, or lives a different way, or is gay, straight, ultra liberal or ultra conservative.What matters is how we treat people.

We have to do more to promote compassion, tolerance open mindedness, and education about sex and relationships.

We have to combat this ignorance, hatred and intolerance with love and strength.

We have to stand together.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

littlewelshminx

 

 

Posted in Jo Cox, LGBT, LGBT rights, love, Orlando shooting, stand together, Standford University rape, Stanford, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Now what?

Now what

Hello minx lovers!

Apologies for the complete lack of writing over the last 7 months. The tricky thing with life is that sometimes it gets a bit lifey. Since we last spoke, my contract came to an end, meaning I was made redundant, and lost my lovely single girly pad. 😦 I had to move back in with ma and pa, where I am currently residing in their spare room. A month later my grandmother died, the funeral was Christmas week, and then I started a new job in January.

So yes, was very busy job hunting, moving, grieving, starting new job etc.

If all that wasn’t enough, things with the younger man were getting tough. Since I moved we were now both busy and long distance, with less opportunity to talk and see each other. Throw in stress, suspicions regarding another girl (still never proved/disproved but I trust my gut and she wants him) and other things taking priority and by Feb I’d had enough so I ended it.

Now what I should have done was to immediately cut all contact, and just grieve for a while. But obviously, being his first girlfriend, and still being very much in love, for all the faults and flaws, we tried to stay friends. This did not go well.

2 months, one weekend of going back, lots of hurt feelings due to lack of/ piss poor communication on his side and my short temper and compulsion to chase for answers/try to fix things, I’ve called it a day and asked for no contact.

At the moment I am in an extraordinary amount of pain.

I have so far managed to avoid feeling this through continued contact which just gave me with false hope, and stupidly going back and hooking up again after a month.

I immediately signed up to dating sites and a speed dating evening. With 3 days of being on POF and Tinder I had had over 100 messages, and been viewed nearly 700 times. (I’m not Elizabeth Taylor – I appreciate that a lot of people mass swipe / message and use a scattergun approach. I’ve had 15 speed dating dates, 8 very disappointing dates with shy / hideous fuckwits, 2 dates with guys who were OK.

One of the first things I used to do after a split was get my hair dyed and cut, eat a fuck tonne of trifle, then go and fuck some randoms…I am the Queen of rebounds, and in the past used to ricochet around like a pinball after a relationship, having fun with short flings and one night stands.

About a month ago, after a particularly heinous argument regarding the aforementioned hussy,  I did hook up with someone else, but afterwards, I was happy to just let it go.

For a long time before the ex, I had had flings, short term hookups, 6 months here, 6 months there, nothing solid, nothing real. I’d been drifting about, and in my heart I felt single, even when I was “with” someone. There was never any deep interest or real commitment on either side. Ironically, for someone who dates a lot, and has had a lot of sex, I’m actually alone more than I’m with anyone.

Then last year this dude turned up out of nowhere and blind-sided me. It was a shock because I really really loved him, and I think for the first time ever, I tried to have an “adult” relationship – completely ironic I know as he was 10 years younger. I didn’t expect it to go that way, and I certainly didn’t plan it, but that’s the way it went.

Why didn’t it work? Take your pick. Different ages / stages of life. Different ways of communicating and thinking. Long distance. Different ways of expressing feelings. He was busy and surrounded by people and a great social life, and for the last year I’ve been commuting (car= less drinking and NO drink driving) and my social circle has shrunk due to people hooking up / getting married / having kids.

Doomed from the start really, but you don’t pick who you fall for. And now I’ve finally found the balls to make a clean break.

I’d love to be able to just be logical and sensible and be a cool person and immediately transition back to friends, just switch off all other feelings, but I can’t. I’m emotional and I find big changes hard to deal with – let alone all the other crap I’ve gone through in the last 6 months.

Towards the end of the relationship I was clinging on to the last scraps…my heart would soar at the odd message, but then when I wouldn’t get a call, or a message back I’d feel rejected and ignored. After we split this just got worse. The lack of communication, the lack of time to see each other face to face and having to put other things first had always been a massive strain. It just got too much.

The question I’m facing is now what?

I spent a lot of time in his neck of the woods with his friends. While it’s great been spending a lot more time with my friends, and getting out and doing a lot more, I’m really gutted that I’ve pretty much lost some really amazing people from my life because of this split. I really want to stay in touch but all’s fair and he knew them first.

Because they were younger, my social life used to dip in and out of their (quieter) nights on the town. That’s gone, and I’m really going to miss that. I try and spend as little time at home as possible, and quiet nights in pubs just aren’t for me.

I’ve been going to the gym a lot more and generally my health has improved a lot since I’ve had more time to work out. I’ve actually lost a stone since Christmas and I’m working on shifting the next one. A healthy minx is a sexy minx. 🙂

Work wise – realistically in the back of my head, or heart, I think I was looking mostly at jobs around here because I wanted to stay close to him. I only realised that with hindsight. While I’d quite like to stay in Wales, I now have no reason to stay, so I’ve looked at other options.

The big question (for this blog) is obviously what to do in terms of dating. I’m 32. Not completely over the hill, but I’m well aware that if I want to look at doing certain things, I’ll need to meet someone soonish.

I think that’s part of the reason why I jumped straight back onto the dating sights. I’ve never been great at being properly alone, and I just wanted to skip the grieving and pain and move on, preferably to meet a tall dark handsome rich future husband, but I know that that was just my dark side wanting to “win” in the breakup game – who gets over who first.

The truth is there are no winners after a break up.

I loved him, and it still hurts like hell. Staying in that friend-zone limbo for so longer after we split was just a massive head fuck for me, especially after hooking up again. But the old ways just don’t seem right any more, so I’m going to try something new, and I’m going to take some time to fix my broken heart.

I have no idea how long this is going to take, but everyone always says time is a great healer. I have no idea if I’m ever going to feel OK enough to speak to him or see him again, or if I’ll even be bothered in 6 months time.

I don’t know what’s going to happen with any of it. It could be that this was just one of the big loves of my life, and I’ll meet the real “one” or many more in the future. I might decide to just stay single for a few years, or I could meet my future husband in the next month. But first of all – I have to deal with the hurt and give myself time to heal.

I’ll freely admit that I’m terrified, and have no idea what’s going to happen next.

I guess we’ll find out.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

littlewelshminx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Being single, break ups, end of relationship, Uncategorized | Tagged | 1 Comment

Rug Rats vs Silver Foxes: A Minx’s Guide to Younger and Older Men

Rug rats vs Silver foxes

Hello my dear minx lovers, and how has your summer been?

This last few weeks have been full of job hunting, applications and lots of personal reviews for this littlewelshminx. As I lie here, exhausted from the endless tide of paperwork, I’ve been taking a break by reflecting back over the years, and thinking a lot about my situation in terms of age.

There comes a point in every Minx’s life when age becomes a BIG factor – not just your own age, with the terrifying aspects of biological clocks and life tick boxes to deal with (or ignore!) as you see fit, but also the age of the man you’re playing with.

Are you happy to float around with men from your own generation, or have you decided to play with a rug rat, or go hunting for a silver fox?

There are many pros and cons to dating and sleeping with older and younger men, which I, with my extensive Minxy wisdom, am going to explore today.

Silver Foxes

George Clooney

Older men have been there and done it. They’ve (mostly) gotten past the awkward annoying phase, and have figured out who they are, what they’re doing in life, and have a pretty good idea of where they’re going. What they want? A little tricky sometimes. Older men are better established in careers, generally have better financial resources – aka bigger car / own house / more money. From personal experience, they’re more confident, and throw you less chat up lines.

Because older guys (currently) were brought up in an age where dating and chatting to women required some more thought and effort, they’re better face to face and far less likely to ignore you to play on a phone / gadget. They dress better and are less likely to want to go out and party all the time. I’ve been wined and dined by older guys and nights out / in are just a touch classier. As for sex? Lol If someone develops bad habits in their youth, these can be hard to break, but there is a lot to be said for experience. Also, the fact that generally the fact that older men have lost that skinny / svelte look of youth and are generally a bit stockier and more powerful than your average tweenager is a proper turn on for me.

Cons? Biggest one is obviously the baggage – often in the form of exes / ex wives / kids. DILFS can be damn sexy, but if someone comes with kids, that’s going to have a huge impact on your relationship. Golden rules – The kids will ALWAYS come first. Age gaps can be frustrating – you may find yourself having to skip things, or potentially miss out because he’s already been there and done it (a huge factor in this category is children, but it could also mean not having someone to catch your last days of clubbing, or who isn’t as spontaneous about holidays / moves / job changes.

Sex? Well older men are generally not quite as frisky, or have as much energy as their younger counterparts. They have more wrinkles, more grey hairs (everywhere) and are more likely to have trouble…rising to the challenge. Yeah. Been there – and ended up not doing that.

Rug Rats

Liam Hemsworth

Younger men. 🙂 My inner Mrs Robinson purrs at the thought of being queen of the cougars, and rightly so. First and most important – they are at their peak, sexually, physically, and looks wise. Young dumb and dull of muscle, energy, and plenty of stamina – especially in their early 20s. Seeing as women are supposed to hit their peak in their early 30s, if you mix the two it is an incredibly potent combination. They are very eager, and are full of energy, so you can literally rock the night away as they recharge very quickly.

They have very little baggage – no ex wives or kids to deal with if you catch them early, which means anything you have is purely about the two of you. Hedonistic pleasure. They are a lot of fun – mostly into partying, looking good, having a laugh, and they’re not tied down with worries about work, paying bills or serious commitments. They’re at a point in their lives when anything is possible, and when they’re open to trying new things. You can take your average Benjamin Braddock and train him exactly as you wish. Just think about that for a second – he is tuned completely to you, and vice versa.

Cons? They’re still young. Lack of experience can mean confusion as relationships are a relatively new thing. They are still figuring out the subtleties of communicating, and can be well meaning but completely backward emotional fucktards who need things spelling out…very slowly. (Annoyingly this is also part of the charm). They DON’T know what they’re doing, where they’re going or where they will be in 5 years time, and you have to take that into account. If marriage and kids is on your to-do list, then stay well clear. The lack of experience in the bedroom can make some of them a little shy, and some a little cocky (even though if you get in early enough habits CAN be broken).

The age gap can rear its head in amusing and embarrassing ways. You might be too old / tired to go clubbing or partying till 5am every night. He might not have even heard of TV shows/bands/films that you’ve loved since your teenage years. This has happened to me….I was having a chat about the Millennium and my friends and I were swapping stories about where we were/what we did. I had to admit that at midnight 2000, while I was 16, at a house partying getting wasted, my current squeeze was tucked up in bed as he had just turned 6. (Can I point out he’s in his 20s now!) My friends nearly died laughing, and the pampers and car seat jokes are on-going to this day.

While there are clearly pros and cons to dating both older and younger men, the important thing is not to ignore them, or pretend they don’t exist. There are always going to be issues with any relationship, and age can be a big factor. However, it’s who you’re with and how they make you feel that should be the important thing.

I currently feel exhausted and happy from all the sex I’ve been getting, so I can’t really complain!

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littlewelshminx

Posted in cougars, experience, older men, older women, relationship baggage, rug rats, Sex, sex facts, silver foxes, Uncategorized, young love, younger men | 2 Comments