Fool me once…A guide to dealing with unreliable men

Girl checking watch

 

Hello my dear minxes, I hope you are enjoying your weekend? I am taking a quick break away from studies to snatch some alternative writing time, and today’s subject is going to be what should be a huge red flag to us all: flaky, unreliable behaviour.

Recently I was contacted by a gentleman from last summer. We had had a few dates, which I really enjoyed and then he had vanished. Whilst disappointed at the time, I thought, ah well, plenty more fish in the sea, after a few weeks the memory of him, like the weather, was a fuzzy haze. In September, out of the blue, he contacted me. It turned out he was after sympathy, which I later discovered to be because he had been dumped. I was flabbergasted at the cheek of him, and told in, in no uncertain terms, that I was unimpressed, and to basically do one. Foolishly, probably as a result of reading a lot of books on Buddhism a few years ago, I explained to him that whilst he had been a dick, if he really was in pain or upset, then yes, he should talk to someone, and yes I would listen, but he really should go to friends or family. He thanked me and apologised for the bad behaviour and that was it…all quiet and I carried on my Minxing.

A few weeks ago this guy turned up again, professing to be full of contrition and in the spirit of fresh starts, wanted to say hello and started throwing the odd compliment (baited hook) my way. He was sorry….he was an idiot…..yeah yeah. I have been so busy with uni of late, that I decided to give him a second chance. I  was also intrigued, an wanted to see what he’d do next.

We went out for a quick drink. He was the same as he had initially been – funny and charming, and I could feel my head beginning to turn. Four hours later we left, and I mulled over his weak excuses versus his height and relatively sparkly eyes. Potential for a shag, but trustworthy? No. Not a chance in hell. We arranged to meet up again. I decided to go all out and make a bit of an effort – this involved a long bath, razors 😉 and the good underwear. Technically this was date number four or five, so I thought….yeah why not. Got excited, looked forward to it…and yes. You guessed it. He cancelled at the last minute. By text message.

Pissed off

The message was both pathetic and presumptuous, starting “You’re probably going to pout….I’ve had an email about work…” proving several things to me.

  1. As suspected, he was just after a bang, and then because his football team won (I’m not stupid) he ditched me to go out on the piss.
  2. He liked football more than woman. Clearly not Minx worthy.
  3. He didn’t know me at ALL. Pout? Minxes don’t pout. They rip fucking heads off, you dozey fuckstain.
  4. He was a complete flake.

Of all of these things, I think flakiness annoys me the most. After years and years and years of dating, and especially after turning 30, I expect people to do what they say they will, and not waste my time. My spare time is extremely precious. I work hard and hustle harder, and if I have agreed to meet someone, it means I’m deliberately choosing to prioritise that thing over a dozen other things or people I could or should be attending to. I have neither the patience or time to waste on people, dates, or relationships, that I am not going to enjoy, and neither should any of you.

Over the years I have spent hours…..days even…of my life….waiting and making excuses for other people’s flakiness and general piss poor behaviour, and expecting them to change. Guess what? Never happened. One guy I dated messed me around for a year before I finally lost my temper and asked him if he wanted to be with me, yes or no. An hour later he still couldn’t give me a straight answer, so I made the choice for him. (By the way Dave, still think you’re a cunt). One guy couldn’t be arsed to keep in touch and kept cancelling. Another one could never make up his mind what he really wanted. Lateness….lack of commitment…..lack of communication…..half-arsed lame excuses…..sound familiar?

If you’re grown up enough to have sex with someone, you should be grown up enough to realise if you’re acting in a way that’s hurting or upsetting someone, and if you do it a lot, eventually they are going to get annoyed. Or in the case last weekend, really really fucking annoyed. None of us are backups, none of us like being treated like toys, and nobody likes having their time wasted by a flake. I’m a firm believer in getting shit done, and if you say you’re going to do something, do it, or you better have a bloody good reason why not. Flaking and ghosting is for kids…not grownups.

In the past I have been a soft twat really. I’ve given chance after chance, hoping they’ll “change” and be nice to me. Do they fuck. It generally gets worse, rather than better, and if not taking being treated like crap counts as pouting, I’d rather be the Queen of selfies than a fucking mug.

Second chances are  one thing but third? Nah. How will I handle The Flake? Simple. Deleted, blocked and sent him smartly on his way back to the land of Teenaged Twattery.

There are still a few good ones left out there, which is enough of a reason not to waste your time with wankers like that.

Don’t take any shit, and don’t flake!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

littlewelshminx

 

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About littlewelshminx

I'm a Welsh girl in my 30s, living and working in south Wales. I like reading, writing, watching films (especially things that make me laugh) hanging out with friends, going to bars to drink and dance playing guitar (badly) listening to lots of different types of music (opera to dance to bluegrass to rock) going to the theatre, and I've recently started swimming. I have 2 degrees, and have had lots and lots of different jobs, including working as a barmaid, waitress, KP, shop assistant, admin assistant, events, sales, PR, marketing....writing suits me best. I will be writing about sex from as many angles as possible - from personal experience, through academia, history, geography, culture, myth, legend, fact and fiction. What is sexy? What turns us on? What do we really think and feel about sex? If you like what you read, please follow me, and pass it on :)
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