Hello Minx lovers!
I’m off on a weekend break at the crack of dawn but it’s been a while since I’ve given you any Minx love so thought I’d bang out a quick blog update (pun very much intended).
So I’m still single (not celebate) and I’m just under a year and a half of being single (again NOT celebate). In an effort to try new things and meet new types of people, I have spent a good part of this time dating guys I would never usually even consider.
I have a type – medium to tallish (but not too tall as I’m short), medium to stockier build but not tubby, light eyes, dark hair, good arms. I am a complete sucker for a guy who can make me laugh and is a bit of a maverick/geek. I like confident men, who aren’t complete dicks. So with all that in mind….yeah, I usually end up with dicks. 🙂
BUT I thought I’d break out of that and try something different.
This last year, I’ve dated short guys, blonde guys, quiet guys, rich guys, super clever guys, and one board game designer who found Cards Against Humanity ‘offensive’. Well fuck me.
The big challenge has been trying to date the ‘nice guys’ my friends keep telling me are out there but I keep rejecting, because I’m being too difficult or picky or whatever.
So recently, I found myself a nice guy, and gave it a go.
Mr Nice was very handsome. He had just moved back from London (presumably he was kicked out for being too nice) and he was looking for work in a similar field to myself. We chatted for a week or two online then decided to meet up. That’s when the Nice house of cards began to fall apart.
He looked exactly like his photos but he had lied about his height. He was short. Not just a little bit short. He’s shorter than me. I’m 5″4 standing on my toes. He also had quite a small frame, tiny hands (smaller than mine) and a reasonably high pitched voice. Online he looked like a rough stubbly gangster. In real like he looked and sounded like Dominic Cooper had been shrunk in the wash.
BUT I wanted to try and me Ms Nice. So instead of the usual 30 min chat then escaping, I gave him a proper chance and tried really hard not to focus on comparing him with exes, or celebrity crushes, or the barman, or random hot guys that were passing outside on the street.
At the end of the night he tried to take my hand and kiss me. I cannot describe to you the horrors of that kiss. It was like being assaulted by a mouth slug, or possibly worse…the kind of no feeling savage tongue rapey kiss you’d expect at the end of the night from a 14 year old lad who’s trying to finger you. It was FUCKING AWFUL….
But he was nice…….so I gave him another chance.
Date number two….I’d had some bad news about a job role and was pre-shark week so wasn’t really in the mood, but I tried and he tried and we hung out and it was…..nice. It felt like I was hanging out with someone who might be a friend, but I wasn’t feeling…..pretty much anything else. No sexual attraction, a little wary after the bad kissing, but basically nothing.
I should have RUN. BUT…he was sweet and charming and was trying so hard….
And that is the problem right there. Because he was and is a genuinely nice guy, and because I’ve had so many crappy exes, I was trying to force something that just wasn’t there. I actually thought for a while during these dates that maybe it would be better to try it out with Mr Nice, and see how it went. Maybe it would get better and I’d grow to fancy him…..NOPE.
That was my mistake. I know myself reasonably well and I was fighting myself to try and fit the nice slipper on my foot. I am NOT a ‘nice’ type of gal. 🙂 I am a fiesty, loud, proactive, cougar style sexual mistress who is basically looking for a really ballsy Alpha male who isn’t scared of brains or strong women and who can keep up.
Mr Nice was nice, and to be fair to him cute, but that was it. I felt nothing but the niceness and it started to make me cringe.
We actually got to date number three. That was the final straw.
I invited him round the new pad. He slunk in and met my housemates, who took one look at him, and darted me a confused look. We escaped to my room where he proceeded in a very nice and passive way to seduce me. In a nice way. He was all over me like a fucking octopus…trying to hold me hands and stroke my hair and arms and give me terrible kisses. Compliments flying everywhere, and more hand holding….
From the right guy this would have been awesome, but this just felt wrong. You know that scene in Back to the Future where Marty’s mum kisses him….her face? THAT!
It got worse and worse…the lack of sexual attraction and increasing anxiety about the nice made me start to flinch away. He was telling boring awful dad jokes, and talking about tv shows I don’t watch and I was trying desperately not to yawn whilst snatching my hands from his ever moving fingers and arms. He just didn’t stop moving. Underneath all the nice he was like a bag of fucking eels…it must have been his dark side trying to get him to crack. Anyway he wouldn’t stop moving.
In the end I had to give a fake yawn and say I was tired and due to shark week sex just wasn’t happening because “it hurt too much and was too messy.”…regular readers will know this is a blatant lie but the niceness is catching and I really didn’t want to hurt his feelings by screaming FUCK OFF YOU CRAP KISSER.
He pouted then smiled and looked up at me with these nice puppy dog eyes and said he didn’t mind having sex when I was on. At that point I’d had enough.
“Yeah but I’m tired and I like people going down on me during sex and right now I’m bleeding so….(YAWN) time for bed. NIGHT!”
Moral of the story? Mr Nice may be a sweetie…..but I’m not. Also learned that nice guys can be dicks in a whole new, needy, twitchy, intense way…even playing on ‘nice’ to try and get laid and excuse a lot of faults because they’re still better than the dicks right? Wrong.
You can’t fake passion and a bad kisser is never excusable. As lovely as he will be for someone else…he just wasn’t right and I was right not to settle, and especially not to sleep with Mr Nice just because he was nice. Nice just isn’t enough.
So no sex for me…but I’m away this weekend with 6000 twenty something men. Target rich environment. Wish me luck!