Hello my dear Minx Lovers,
I hope you’re all well and had a lovely Halloween. I was planning on doing a spooky themed blog tonight, but seeing as the Australian rugby team just provided Wales with a fantastic example of getting shafted, I thought I’d write about that instead.
I will come straight out and say it. I’m not the biggest fan. The reason being is that 80% of the time, the men in my life have completely sucked balls at it, and like a soufle, either get it perfect or it’s ruined.
The first time I tried, we didn’t really plan it well.I can’t actually remember who the guy was, but the pain has been scorched onto my soul and sexual being like a branding iron.
I was so young and naive and stupid I didn’t realise the importance of lube, taking it slowly, or changing position to ease it in. Now, even the smaller end of the cock-sphere can and WILL feel like a Giant Redwood being forced up your arse if you do it wrong, and no lube only adds to the problem. So what did it feel like?
Take the aforementioned Redwood, wrap it in sandpaper and add a dash of vinegar and chilli sauce – now image that being rammed up your arsehole – a device which is designed to allow soft things to leave, not large hard pokey things to enter.
The pain – fuck me. The pain was incredible. It was like being burned and punched in the stomach and stabbed all at the same time. A blistering stinging aching throbbing cunt of a pain. A complete bastard. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t really breath. It was fucking awful.
After a couple of different goes (with different guys) I actually found that it could be both pleasant and satisfying. You have to go slowly – ease it in gently, gently, softly, and then….bingo! Kind of feels nice….and then nicer, and obviously you’ve got the fact it’s dirty, which adds to everything as being filthy is a turn on.
So thoughts / questions?
What kind of speed? Too fast – no. Jack-hammering in any situation is for stupid naive boys who don’t know what they’re doing. If you’re still fucking like that you need to stop right now, because you’ll hurt your partner and tear things. You need to start off really really slowly. Also, if you do that to someone, and they feel The PAIN….you’re likely to be the next person to feel The PAIN.
Will I bleed? – more than likely – and don’t let the guy get away with feeling all smug because he literally just tore you a new one. Tiny cocks can do just as much internal damage as big ones. Be prepared for the blood – wasn’t expecting that either and it freaked me out.
What helps? USE LUBE! Lots of lube. Buy lube JUST for anal. (The type that doesn’t eat its way through latex so your condoms are safe). Take your time! This is something you kind of have to plan for – avoiding spicey food / excess meals the day before is a good idea.
Wash gently…try and go to the loo before, as it will at least ease the obvious factor that you’re shoving a cock into a place where poo comes out. Worrying about that side of things is a mood killer. Accept that poo and blood are potential factors if you’re going for anal, and get over it.
Element of surprise? NO! Fuck me…the number of “Oh Whoops I slipped/ Can I just / Baby can we..?” conversations I’ve had mid-sex is ridiculous. The Australian team fucked Wales up the arse today without so much as a by your leave and how did that feel? Exactly. Ask permission FIRST!
Expected? As far as I can recall – no sex should EVER be expected. Just because you’re dating someone doesn’t mean they have to EVER let you fuck them in the arse, or vice versa. I don’t give a flying fuck how much sexting/porn-watching/causal/open relationship/hey bae let’s get crazy/ hormone driven the world is getting. Nobody owes anyone any time of sex EVER and anal is very much included.
What does it feel like when you do it wrong?
As I said….Giant Redwood wrapped in sandpaper rammed repeatedly up your arse.
And when it goes right?
Can be a really decent night in! 🙂 Bit dirty..bit kinky and if you’re with the right person…yeah, not bad.
Things to watch out for?
In my experience anal sex is like the ultimate goal for men and they turn into whining whingeing babies about it. Having anal sadly encourages this annoying behaviour, but don’t do it TOO often. I have a friend who worked in porn once told me about the day when a poor girl suffered a rectal prolapse. Just saying.
Don’t use the good sheets. Trust me on this one.
I’ve deliberately avoided anal with men over a certain size. If you’re struggling to fit someone inside your pussy without the aid of a shoehorn, think of what that’s going to do to your arse. (this is the part where some of the people I’ve slept with realise I’ve had bigger.)
For medium to smaller sized cocks, anal can be really fun. Even teeny cocks feel huge when they go through the back door so it can actually improve your sex life.
Anyway,I’ve calmed down enough now to open a bottle of fizz to take away the sting of the rugby, so time to bail.
Have a happy bonfire night one and all and speak soon!