Good morning dear Minxes and Happy Sunday to you.
As last week’s blog was all about penises, I thought today we should give the girls some time, so today’s blog will snap on some rubber gloves, while we take a look at…. vaginas!
In spite of being in possession of a vagina for the last 31 years, I was amazed when I realised how little I really knew. I’d been a keen owner, but hadn’t really read the manual, and sex education at school had been pitiful.
My first serious lesson in the historical, social and factual wonders of the vagina came into play when I was in a performance of The Vagina Monologues back in Uni. We spent a lot of rehearsals swapping stories, and relating with similar experiences. It was partly due to that show that I am the Minxy wannabe sexologist you know today.
Let’s start with a little Etymology. The word Vagina is Latin for “sheath” or “scabbard.” i.e. something that holds a sword. The plural of vagina is vaginae or vaginas.
The vagina begins at the opening of the vulva (from the Proto-Indo-European *wel- “to turn, to revolve,” and is related to walzan “to waltz”) and ends at the cervix (from the Latin cervix, “the neck, nape of the neck”).
While each woman’s vagina is different, the average length of an unaroused vagina in a mature woman is between 2.5-3.0 inches wide and 3.5 inches long.
The vagina can expand up to 200% during sexual intercourse and giving birth. (Beat that boys!)
Inside the vagina is a series of ridges produced by folds of the vagina called the vaginal rugae. They allow the vagina to extend and stretch.
Hair on a person’s head can grow for up to seven years. Hair around the vaginal area grows only for three weeks.(This is no way explains scary 1970s afro bush).
The largest vagina in history most likely belonged to Anna Swann (1846-1888). She was 7 feet and 5 inches tall and weighed 350 pounds. She gave birth to a 23-pound baby with a 19-inch head. Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Squalene is also a natural vaginal lubricant. It also exists in sharks livers.
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water.
The vagina has over 1000 nicknames including:
Vagina, Fanny, Lady Bits, Pussy, Poon, Poon-Tang, Punani, Vajayjay, Cooter, Cho-Cha, Cooch, Muff, Penis Fly Trap, Sugar Notch, Yahoo,Hoo-Haw, Honey Pot, Beaver, Thatched Cottage, Pink Panther, Snatch, Cherry, Cunt, Hot Pocket, Vertical Smile, Pink Taco, Petticoat lane, Wizard Sleeve, Cupcake, Cookie, Woo-Woo, Lady’s Low Toupee, Love Tunnel, Sin Flower, Peach, Bear Trap, Minge, Foof, The Sarlacc Pit,Hairy Potter, Hairy Manilow, Pink Portal, Mount Majesty, Coochie Pop, Eve’s Tunnel, Harpy Nest, Lady Jane, Flap Dragon, Butter Boat, Flaming Lips, Puff Pillow, Egg Crate, Pecan Pattie, Frothy Creek, Velvet Glove, Silk Igloo, Sticky Bun, Pearl Hotel, Magic Crepe, Mother Of All Souls, Velvet Goldmine, The Batcave, Pink Mink, Lawrence of A Labia, The Promised Land, The Notorious V.A.G., Field of Dreams, Pink Truffle, Furburger and Ariel’s Underwater Treasure Grotto.
I bonded with one of my best friends over one of these phrases.
The first time I met her five years ago, she handed me her week old daughter, looked me in the eye and said ” I’ve got stitches in my minge and they’re killing”. Friends for life.
From asking my girlfriends, giving birth HURTS LIKE FUCK.
HINT: When a vagina goes into operational mode, the phrase “being kicked in the nuts is worse” is likely to land you a golden ticket to getting kicked in the nuts. If the lady in your life has been kind enough to carry your child for 9 months, do yourself a favour and keep quiet.
Period pain hurts. Don’t make jokes. You really don’t want to fuck with someone who can bleed for 5 days and not die.
A vaginal “fart,” also called a “queef” or “vart”. This happens usually during sex when you’re doing crazy positions (of COURSE I want you to push my knees back to my ears – cheers love that makes me feel SUPER sexy!) and air gets trapped. They are both incredibly hilarious and mortifying at the same time. Suck it up – part of sex.
Approximately 30% of women have orgasms from vaginal intercourse.
The highest number of orgasms achieved by a woman in one hour was 134. The highest number achieved by a man was 16. (HAHA)
The clitoris contains 8000 nerve endings – twice as many as the penis. Woohoooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s a pretty done deal ….play with it MORE!
As you can see, a vagina is an amazing, beautiful fabulous thing. If you own one, or are lucky enough to be allowed to play with one, please remember to respect and love her, because vaginas kick ass.
That’s all for now minxes!