Hello my lovely minx lovers, and a happy sunny greetings to you all! Today’s blog will be looking at internet dating. Strap in kids, it’s going to get real.
A few months ago, and a few months into being single, I decided to give Tinder a try.
I heard about Tinder through a friend’s younger sister. She had been single for a few months, was based in London, very busy, and fancied seeing who was about. She showed me how it worked, and I have to admit, my natural evil side was immediately intrigued by its simple yet brutal premise.
You download Tinder to your phone and it hooks up to your Facebook account, pulling off some photos, and things like quotes or random bits from your Facebook profile. It also clocks things you’ve liked/follow on Facebook, like bands and films, and friends from Facebook. This then builds a mini dating profile for you, which you can tweak, but it doesn’t give you loads of room to play with, keeping it pretty simple. It then uses the GPS in your phone to scan the local area (to a distance you can decide – I went with 30km as that’s as far as I am prepared to travel) and sees who’s around on Tinder. It throws up suggestions to you, and you can either Swipe Right to indicate you’re interested, or Swipe Left to say no thanks. If you swipe right, AND they swipe right, you can chat. If you swipe left, saying no, they’re blocked from your Tinder and they can’t contact you.
OK, so that’s the basics. Now we get into the fun, human element, otherwise known as the unspoken rules. So, I am using Tinder as a dating / let’s see who’s out there site. Other people do the same. Some people just use it for casual encounters. Some use it as a pure fuck em and chuck em tool. Some people are looking for love / marriage. In this sense, it’s EXACTLY like meeting people in a bar – you can never tell who’s going to be out, who’s looking for what, or how honest they’re going to be.
So once you’ve set up, start swiping. Now at first I was trying to apply my previous dating rules of “Oh he might be nice”, but pretty soon, I got vicious. I’ve watched several women and men using Tinder, and it can be brutal. “No. No. No. No. HELL No. No. No. Oh look it’s X! Mwhaahahha! No….Yes…yes…yes…no”.
The boys seem to be less discriminatory. One friend told me he was playing a game at work to see how many girls he could get to match with him, regardless. He was saying yes to EVERYONE. He also said guys generally do this….I’m still testing this theory and will come back with more data asap.
The girls are far pickier, and say no far more than they say yes. It seems pretty brutal, but big rule of thumb is that Tinder is all about first impressions. If you don’t fancy them, it’s a no. That simple. I actually like this side of it. There’s no messing around, no “Oh he might be lovely / but we have so much in common”. If his photo doesn’t do it for you, move on. My friend has some good rules of thumb with the photos too…if they’re crap photos as in they’re too dark / blurry / you can’t properly see them, or they’re all of groups and you can’t tell which one they are, or they’re cock/torso shots, it’s an automatic no. I prefer people with a few more photos so you get a better look, and generally if they haven’t written a profile I can’t be bothered.
So you set up and you start swiping, and then Ping! You get a match. And then Ping! You get another. But the weird thing is, just because you get a match, doesn’t mean you’ll actually talk to them, or they’ll talk to you. Because the thing with Tinder is that it doesn’t stop throwing up pictures at you. There’s no off switch. It even says after you get a match “Do you want to keep playing?”…. which makes it seem like the dating app equivalent of a carrot on a stick…there’s always something more just a little further ahead. With Tinder being so popular and so many people using it, this actually creates a problem of too much choice. You start to chat to some people, but as I’ve been told by several friends, they can’t / don’t chat to everyone in the same way they would on other sites, because of the time.
It’s important not to take it personally…..there are lots of people out there on Tinder looking for lots of different types of things (from marriage, to love, to friendly dating, to hard core eyes rolling back in your head no strings fucking.) And you’re chatting to lots of people, and it’s important to remember that they are too. There will be some dickheads / bitches too. I’ve seen some profiles that consisted of penis shots, and have been reassured that some of the girl profiles are basically barbie clones. Some people have been nice, some are funny, and so far I’ve only met one nasty twat. That’s the risk you take when dating anywhere, and isn’t exclusively something that happens online -as you all know, there are bars full of dickheads the world over. 🙂
It’s all meant to be in the spirit of finding what you want, and as it’s such an open ended dating tool, I’ve found being honest has saved a lot of time. Also being persistent and developing a thick skin. Quite frequently you can be chatting to someone and then realise that you’ve forgotten to answer someone else for a few days / weeks. Or you’re so busy you don’t go on for ages. Equally, you could be chatting away to someone and they suddenly vanish, or don’t respond, and you never hear from them again.
It could be that you or they are busy, or have been enjoying talking to one person over another, or you actually meet someone. But again….it’s a numbers game, don’t take it to heart. Unless you have THE CHAT and it’s officially official, just treat it as fun, enjoy yourself, be honest, and keep on playing.
I have only met up with 2 tinder dates. The first guy I spoke too chatted with me for a few weeks, we met for a coffee, chatted a bit more, I got busy, and suddenly clocked we hadn’t spoken in a week. Bit sad, but hey ho….never knew what happened, but he lived pretty far away and although he was nice….these things happen.
The second turned out to be one of these 8 degrees of separation jobs….a friend of a colleague, who another friend of mine spotted on my chat list and gleefully told me she knew him. (My first thought was “oh fuck…what could he have told him about me”). 2 dates in and we’re still chatting. 🙂 Seeing as he might read this, I’ll say no more for now.
Basically, I’ve found Tinder to be a good laugh. It was a massive confidence boost, as it’s been my first venture back into the world of dating, and even I had succumbed to the odd gloomy moment of ” I’ll never meet anyone blah blah snivel moan”. That’s just bollocks. There’s loads of people out there. The trick is meeting the right one. ( And not screwing it up.) Tinder seems to be a good first step…the rest, my dear minxes, is up to us.