I thought I’d start this year looking back over 2013’s sex trends, and seeing what made the headlines in the world of minxness over the last 12 months.
So what was big in 2013?
S&M inspired fashion for starters. Lots of leather and PVC on the catwalks and in the high-street. I’m not sure if the majority of people who bought these things realised they were wearing the same sort of outfits normally sold in erotic retailers, but hey, if it means people are becoming a little more open minded to some kink, brilliant. Also, considering the general climate in Britain contains a lot of rain, having the majority of your outfit made of something that is either waterproof or wipe clean can’t hurt.
Twerking. I hadn’t really heard about this until the infamous Miley Cyrus appearance at MTV’s VMA awards. Shaking your ass whilst dressed in next to nothing is hardly original, but Miley was shaking her ass on TV in front of millions of people.This became the most tweeted about event in history, with 360,000 tweets per minute at the peak, and was deemed as one of the most controversial things to happen in 2013. Now, I have no problem with people getting down and nasty in beige coloured PVC if they want. There is also nothing wrong with Twerking…..if you some junk in your trunk, then shake it. While I don’t think Miley did herself or twerking many favours that night, it is important to remember, she IS over 18, and although she once was the face of Disney, she isn’t anymore. It was the MTV Video Music Awards, which, lets face it, is basically like the circus coming to town. I’ll leave you make your own minds up on this one. We all did some stupid shit when we were younger, so perhaps instead of berating, we should give her a break, set the laptop to record, and watch the craziness ensue.
Penis Beaker. Did you hear about this one? A regular Mumsnet contributor started a thread asking if anyone else used a penis beaker – a beaker full of water for her partner to clean himself after sex whilst she used the bathroom. The beaker is joined by a bin, as well as tissues, in a “post sex clean up area” on their bedside table. Kleenex fair enough, but surely your regular bathroom bin would suffice? Anyway, this post was generally thought off as weird, and went viral with 24 hours, nearly doubling the traffic and crashing the site. The lady in question seemed hurt and confused when this thread was not only greeted with stunned silence, and a loud chorus of “No!”, but also by a barrage of questions in return, including “Who has a post-sex clean up area?”, “What happens if/when the kids run in?” “Do you clean it in the dishwasher?” “Have you never heard of baby wipes?” and most commonly, “Seriously, a penis beaker?”. I just laughed.
Playboy turned 60. I covered this in my last blog, but the anniversary edition has just been released featuring a very sexy Kate Moss is the centrefold. She is baring all, and proving the fact that MILFs and women in their late 30s/40s are STILL foxy as hell. Well done Kate!
UK Sex stats. A survey came out last year, undertaken by the lovely people at National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles. This happens once every 10 years to monitor what we’re doing, how, with who, etc. It turns out that compared to 10 years ago, we are having LESS sex! To clarify, 10 years ago, we were on average having sex just over 6 times a month, and now it’s less than 5. This is apparently due to increased life and work pressures (the damn recession strikes again) and factors such as people taking technology such as laptops and smartphones to bed. Unless it’s for watching porn, in my mind the only tech that should be taken to bed should require batteries.
I implore all my minxes out there to PLEASE take advantage of the current shitty weather and try and up the stats. We’re on dodgy enough ground within the global community as it is with a crap economy, an awful track record when it comes to banks, and terrible Eurovision scores. Don’t let them laugh at us about this as well. Let’s do ourselves a favour, and start 2014 with a bang!