Hello minx lovers. I’ve been on a mini sabbatical of late, due to various work / house commitments, but I am back, and as you can see, starting a brand new chapter in the world of minxiness.
Today is my 30th birthday, and as I step into a new decade, I have been using this time to reflect on the last decade of sexy time, and relationships (good and bad). What have I learned, and what will the future hold for me in a sexy context?
As my friends remind me, I’ve had a fair few false starts. And then some. 🙂 But that’s the beauty of your twenties. IF (like one or two dear ladies I know) you’re lucky enough to meet The One very early on in the preceedings, you get to learn and grow as a two-some. If like me, you have yet to settle, you get to try this out with various (multiple) persons, and variety being the spice of life, this isn’t necessarily all bad.
Everyone brings something different to the bedroom, and over the years I have seen more than my fair share of….floor shows? Having tried different styles with different types of men, I’ve had the chance to learn more about myself, what I like and what I don’t, and I’ve been slowly learning to up my standards for what I will and will not take (in terms of fuckwit behaviour rather than in a fun way).
This is what I’ve learned so far: I like strong, confident, social men. Can’t be doing with shy, quiet retiring types. Tall is good, and I have a preference for dark hair and blue eyes. As much as I’d like to think of myself as a wild Cathy/Heathcliffe type, and as much as I try to put up a front, I’m a softy deep down, and like cwtches and being cwtched back. I don’t understand games or mind play, but sadly have fallen victim to this sort of cockish behavior on
more than one occasions, partially because I’m a softy, and partially because I like to try and see the good in people. More fool me.
What type of sex do I like these days? All of it! There are certain things I won’t do, and don’t understand (for example, a few years ago I saw a fully grown man in a onesie promoting scat play at an erotic trade fair. Bleugh….and it put me off onesies for life.) But yes, the more the merrier, especially when you meet someone you click with in bed. If you have access to a decent sex life, treat it like a really good dress/ suit, and get as much use of it as you can….do it for all those single nights when you couldn’t.
My confidence seems to have increased with my dress sizes. In spite of being on the curvier side of the scale, I actually feel sexier than I did when I was a size 8 / 10. I still have wibbles and bad days, but I think that’s normal, and generally I feel a lot happier with myself now than when I was thin (or even thinner).
I’m (slightly) less bothered by exes than I used to be. I mean, I kind of have to relax now, as there are a fair few of them, and damn me if they don’t keep randomly turning up. There are still one or two I don’t speak to, and one or two where it is still rather raw, but I actually speak to a lot of them now. I invited a few to my birthday party, and it was genuinely lovely to see them. I guess once you’ve crossed that line sometimes it’s just not possible to go back to just friends, but with the right people and a little time, it can be OK. Even if you’ve been scarred, wounds do heal.
I’ve faced rejection and heartache, heart break and rough patches,loss and pain….and yet I’m still standing. This has a lot to do with the fact I have incredible, fantastic friends and family who have listened patiently and held my hand through the years, as well as given me a good sense of reality, and cried and laughed with (and mostly at) me. All I can say is thank you. You know who you are and how much you mean to me.
It also shows I’m tougher than I thought possible. There were times when I just wanted to crash and burn, crumble and give up completely. But I didn’t….I had a cry and more often than not, a drink…. and carried on.
Do I have any advice for people in 20s starting out on their fabulous journeys into the world of 20s sex?
Um….wear things you’re scared of. Like THAT underwear set or fancy dress outfit. It won’t fit in 10 years. Don’t take any shit off anyone. You will anyway, but you really shouldn’t. Listen to other people’s opinions and don’t be afraid to try new stuff, but only if you want to. Get an MOT regularly. Use lube. And for GOD’s sake use protection.
Right, time for champagne.