There is a chill in the air, the nights are getting longer, and everyone keeps writing about freshly sharpened pencils, school supplies and the nostalgia that September brings. It’s the chance for a new start, and a new beginning.
Yes yes, all very well and good. It also means that it’s Freshers’ week and it’s time to bang some hotties.
Now, I could not, with a clear conscience, let Freshers’ 2013 go past without offering some timely Minx advice on how to handle to sexual matters, scenarios and questions that many first year students will currently be facing. Leaving home for the first time is hard enough, and all of a sudden you’re thrown into a chaotic world of drinking, partying, dancing, studying and lots of pretty young boys and girls that could make or break you.
As an experienced veteran of higher education, I’ve been through 4 Fresher’s weeks, (and thanks to several friends and my sibling returning to uni this year, I’m hoping to have a good crack at this one). I’ve learned a few tricks and gathered a few stories along the way, and would like to share the knowledge.
I’ll probably do it in the style of Baz Luhrmann’s Sunscreen.
So without further ado, Ladies and Gentlemen Freshers of 2013, may I proudly present
The littlewelshminx Survival Guide to Fresher’s Week.
1. Wear/use condoms.
This is an absolute must. Whether you hook up with anyone or everyone, use condoms. Along with Christmas, the office party, New Year, and Bank Holidays, Fresher’s Week is one of the seasonal peaks for pregnancy scares and trading STIs. The last thing you need in the first term of Uni is the worry of catching a nasty, or getting pregnant. There is no excuse, they are free at clinics, and your student union will probably be giving away loads during freshers.
2. Get it checked out.
Yeah, I know what I said. But again, I’ve been there, and I wasn’t always an angel. I know that in the heat of the moment lust can take over, things can break and accidents happen. If you’re worried, go get yourself checked out. Just do it. If you’re old enough to screw around, you’re old enough to get a sexual MOT. Most of us have been there, and it’s good practice to get an MOT every now and again if you’re not in a settled monogamous relationship.
3. Be careful with your heart….and other people’s.
In my first fresher’s week I was still dizzy and a little bruised from 2 relationships during my last year of school and my gap year. I met someone who was fun, exciting, and vaguely cute…and yeah. I thought it was going to be more, and it wasn’t, and I spent the whole of the first term with fresh emotional bruises. Not fun, but lesson learned. Of course Freshers’ Week is a great time for casual hook ups, and there is NOTHING wrong with doing that – as long as you’re clear with yourself and the other person/people what you’re after. Don’t get a reputation as a heart breaking bitch or bastard through being careless….but equally, don’t do a Bridget Jones and assume just coz he’s cute and a good kisser, he’s the one. That only works in Disney.
4. Try something new.
Uni is a great opportunity to try new things. If you haven’t dated before, now is a great time to give it a go. If you’re in a relationship (old/new/long distance) now is the time to see if it will stand the test of time/separation in a vaguely adult environment. If you’re a serial flirt/ bed hopper, maybe try looking for the right one, rather than the next one. If you’re constantly single, give your number out, maybe give that guy at the back of lectures a chance. This is a time in your life when you’ll meet hundreds of new people, and develop amazing relationships with some of them, as well as your self. Also, you’ll never again in your whole life be as thin, beautiful or handsome as an adult again. You’ll never have the freedom, the money and the space and time to do these things. I know everyone says this – they say it because it’s TRUE! So grab every opportunity, be brave and jump out of your comfort zone.
5. Don’t hold your breath.
More than once in uni I found myself, and friends, playing the waiting game. Waiting for a text or a phone call. Waiting to get over someone, waiting to meet the next one. It’s crazy that I spent so much of that precious student time in a weird holding pattern. Partly it’s a learning curve, but realistically it was just a waste of your time. If he/she doesn’t call/text/email, or something doesn’t work out, don’t give it any more time than you need to. You’re surrounded by thousands of young, single sexy things, so go find someone else.
6. Have fun and go a little crazy.
These are the years for having fun, going crazy and making memories….ones that usually start with “Dude, I was SO wasted” and end with ” and then she took my kebab and left me naked, and tied to the overflow pipe”. I can remember a wonderful weekend in student digs with an ex, that comprised of dvds, take aways, bad films, and watching fights spill out of the local pubs. It was also some of the best sex I’ve ever had and I’ve still yet to beat that record of 17 times in a weekend. Several friends told me stories of a student union which used to serve a mixture of orange Reef and Blue WKD bottles, called a grasshopper, and how many people drank this, and the next day thought they’d gotten so drunk they’d fucked the Jolly Green Giant and caught something nasty (orange + blue…think about it). Then there are all the fun tales of the sex games, such as Rodeo, and the worst thing to say when you come (to date the best I’ve heard include “Expelliarmus!” and “Go web go!”.) This is probably pretty tame by today’s standards, but you get the drift.
7. Trust me on the condoms.