Got your attention? Good. 🙂
So today I’m going to be talking about boobs. Half the population have them ( or more like 65% with the current western weight problems). They come in all shapes and sizes, from small and neat to goddamn huge. They are specifically designed for child rearing, but are also a significant factor in attracting a mate, and getting pregnant in the first place. They can also be used for many other things as well (more later).
A woman’s relationship with her boobs is complex, sometimes fraught, and frequently double edged. This is my story.
I recently did a survey with friends and obviously online (thanks to everyone who helped out), and the results were very interesting. The blog poll states that the majority of girls are happy with their boobs. Of the ladies I asked face to face, a fair few said they weren’t that pleased, or wish they were bigger / smaller.
Having had a nice tidy small pair when I was in my late teens/ early twenties, and a significantly larger pair from the age of 25/26, I’m seen both sides of the coin, and can see the down side and perks (no pun intended) of large or small.
So, what’s it like having boobs…of any size?
When I was younger, I was a 32 B/C cup. Enough curves to get a little attention, not enough to triple my underwear bill. My uni weight hadn’t turned up (thank you freshers’ week 2003 – 2006) and I didn’t look too bad. I totally underestimated the power of dressing well, and I did NOT take full advantage of my boobs at all…much to my regret. I can remember thinking yeah, they’re OK but wishing they were bigger.
And then freshers week turned up, and then followed 3 years of bad food, lots of partying, and then expected weight gain. 18 months after graduating, I started a master’s degree, and although there was a lot less drinking ( due to several part time jobs) the bad diet continued.
So I put on more weight, all over, and the twins got….in the words of pretty much anyone who has seen them, massive.
At my biggest, I was a 36-38 G. I mean, I could lean over slightly and be resting my chin on them. They were HUGE, but the sting in the tail of it was that by some fluke of nature, still incredibly perky, so for ages I didn’t think it was a problem.
Yeah yeah, and my wallet’s too small for my £50s, and my diamond shoes are too tight. Boo hoo and tiny violins right? Wrong.
I love my boobs, I do, and I am still blessed with a 36E which are still pretty perky.
But the reason I have such huge tits is that I am overweight. After checking the NHS and BBC websites, I am no longer in the obsese category, thanks to some initial efforts at the gym, but they are massive because I need to lose a stone at least…probably more like two. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a hippo or anything, it’s just a very common British problem, and most of my weight is top heavy.
I find it very hard to fit into dresses properly…I’d guess I’m roughly a 14, with a size 16 on top (UK sizes for my readers in the states). My back hurts a fair bit, due to the excess weight, and my bras now resemble scaffolding, albeit very pretty scaffolding. Although due to the freaky thing I mentioned earlier, I don’t HAVE to wear a bra at all, at some point gravity is going to catch up, and then there will be an almighty crash at they hit the floor, restoring nature’s balance and harmony in the universe, and ruining someone’s hardwood floor. (See joiner’s tits).
I get stared at a LOT. I have comments directed at me even when the twins are pretty much completely covered. I have been grabbed and groped in bars and clubs…apparently accidental eye contact is a secret desire to have some random drunk 20 something walk up and casually have a feel. The correct response is to smile sweetly, lean forward, grab the offender’s testicles and through his trousers, twist your wrist 90 degrees and pull sharply towards the floor.
And at the end of the day they are a constant reminder about what has been a really long battle with my weight. I mean…they’re right in front of me ALL the time.
Luckily, I have in recent years seen sense and started going down the gym. Boobs wise, the goal is to tone up and get down to at least a D cup. I have to for my health, my finances (bras are expensive) and also because if I ever meet Mr Littlewelshminx, and have mini minxes, they’d probably explode during pregnancy.
The great thing is that once they are under control, and I’m more toned and healthier, they’ll still be pretty big and hopefully….which is fab because boobs have so many perks as well.
Yes, the staring can be annoying, but they are also great for distracting people. My attitude now is, if they’re going to stare anyway, let’s wear a good dress and give them something to stare at.
They make me feel womanly. I personally prefer curves, and dressing suitably. I look amazing in corsets, and pretty good in dresses – there is something nice about having a true hourglass figure.
I haven’t had to queue for a drink in 3 years. 🙂
They are fab when babysitting…a natural shelf for resting babies on is always appreciated by knackered new mums….although I have been motor-boated by several newborns, much to the amusement of their parents. “That’s my boy!”
The twins are indeed double trouble, but in a good way as much as bad.
It doesn’t matter how big or small your boobs are..the trick is to remember to look after them (correct bra sizes, pretty underwear, suncream, regular checks etc) and accept them for what they are.
Love your boobs, because they love you.