The Great Fuck Fuck-Up Fairy

Green Fairy

Good Evening Minx lovers,

Today we are talking about The Great Fuck Fuck-Up Phenomenon. This is a really annoying thing that happens occasionally when you really want someone.

Now normally I don’t really give a fuck what people think of me. I flirt with everyone, and flirt heavily with a fair number of people. It’s just how I operate. But every now and again, when I properly like someone or really really fancy them, I basically turn into a complete and utter moron. If I have slept with someone like that, it gets even worse.

Something in my brain (my vagina) takes over, and I change from a vaguely rational human being to a stammering, stumbling, stuttering, geeky, clumsy, Klutz. I drop things. I trip over. I can’t talk properly. If I see them I completely crumble. Even if days before I was fine talking to them.

Eddie Murphy has an interesting theory that if a man can make a woman come really REALLY hard, there’s a power shift and he’s basically got her. In terms of me and Great Fucks, I think he might have a point. Your brain….melts…some shit happens…I can’t explain it but it makes it hard to function.

So anyway, recently I have had an….unexpected encounter with someone who on paper is both younger and incredibly bad for me and in bed turned pretty fucking hot. I initiated it. It was awesome and I was pretty smug and happy with things….or so I thought.

Great Fuck

Until the Great Fuck Fuck-Up Fairy struck again. FFS.

So after our first few encounters there was a bit of a gap when we had been busy and then we planned to rendezvous at my new place. Fine. No problem. Tension’s gone right? It’s all cool…still causal…still friends…brilliant.

So I finish work and head home and start to get ready. And…what’s this? Nerves? Pfttt. I’m a Minx. I don’t get nervous? Hahahahaha…yeah bollocks I don’t.

I ignored the nerves. I tidied my room – properly for those of you who know me well, thanks for laughing! I pottered about the house for a few hours. The nerves got worse. What the FUCK was wrong with me?

So I had been drinking tea all day at work, and at this point the latest batch of caffeine kicked in and I started trembling. So I’m nervous and shaking and start getting messages saying he’s on his way. Which makes it even fucking worse. Jesus H Christ. I’m morphed into a virgin!

So I continue to do some personal prep which includes having a nice long relaxing shower and de-fuzzing (Hollywood – if you’re going to fuck up a razor go the whole way). It takes ages….I’m still shaking like a rattlesnake so have to do this really slowly.  But I wanted to look hot for this guy.

So why was I making so much of an effort? Why was I so nervous? The clue’s in the title. When you sample different styles over the years you develop an eye/taste for quality and let me tell you boys and girls, I am a connoisseur in this field, and high quality sex is a rarity indeed. If you meet someone who brings out your inner wolf and clicks with you that well you enjoy the ride. Basically because you’re happy and flooded with lust and an intense desire to impress them enough to do all that bad shit to you again.

It also triggers hormonal responses that make you nervous and turn you into a fucking idiot. The Great Fuck Fuck-Up Fairy is one of life’s cruel ironies. If you wear a nice shirt to impress a girl you will drop your food down it in front of her the second you clock her looking. If you like a guy, you will trip up over your own heels the second he arrives. If someone has fucked you brains out (ahem 🙂 ) and you’re going back for more….shit will go down to make you look like a right twat.

I think it’s nature’s way of keeping people grounded and the population down.

Anyway, where was I…OK.

So I was getting ready….he was on his way. I was showered and shaved….everywhere… even to the top of my legs which I never bother doing. I had deep conditional and blow-dried my hair, and even put a bit of make-up on to try and look pretty but not TOO pretty. I looked pretty good and was excited.

Yay – I get some sex tonight! Wooohooo!

I start to potter and clean and I’m getting more nervous by the minute. I start to clear the dinner plates from the lounge. My flatmates who have been watching me scurrying about with increasing amusement tell me it’s cool and they’ll clean up.

I hiss at them “For the love of GOD give me something to do!” and carry on as they start laughing at me and taking the piss. Time ticks by and suddenly I get a message from him.

“He’s HERE!!!!” I shriek…to more laughter. I check myself in a mirror. Ok, make-up is decent, hair is shiny and pretty bouncy, teeth done, dress is tidy (also short and accessible), legs yes, other places, yes, food is ready to go, room yes….I am GOOD to go.

I casually saunter towards the front door, desperately trying to stop shaking, take a break, and lean out, chilling.

He walks up, smiling with a bottle of wine. I kiss his cheek.

“You look nice.”

“Aww, thank you.”

“Also your dress is tucked into your knickers. Is this wine OK and can I have a shower?”

FFS

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

Fucking Great Fuck Fairy Strikes Again.

I readjusted, feigning sleepiness and indifference before hustling him upstairs, then going in to the lounge, bent double, head in hands, bright red to tell the girls what had happened.

Thankfully he was in the shower by this point and didn’t hear the shout of laughter from downstairs.

Lol however embarrassing that was, it didn’t really matter. These kind of things happen in life all the time and sex is no different. He laughed and was cool. The girls laughed…a lot….but told me they thought he was hot and I’d done well even for a seasoned cougar. It was one of those things that happens to everyone at some point, and the important thing to remember is that the Great Fuck Fuck-Up Fairy only seems to turn up when I am having particularly good sex. In spite of my mishap, round two proved to be as hot as round one and I ended up red-faced for a completely different reason. 😉

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lots of love

littlewelshminx

 

 

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Dating the ‘Nice’ Guy

Nice Guy

 

Hello Minx lovers!

I’m off on a weekend break at the crack of dawn but it’s been a while since I’ve given you any Minx love so thought I’d bang out a quick blog update (pun very much intended).

So I’m still single (not celebate) and I’m just under a year and a half of being single (again NOT celebate). In an effort to try new things and meet new types of people, I have spent a good part of this time dating guys I would never usually even consider.

I have a type – medium to tallish (but not too tall as I’m short), medium to stockier build but not tubby, light eyes, dark hair, good arms. I am a complete sucker for a guy who can make me laugh and is a bit of a maverick/geek. I like confident men, who aren’t complete dicks. So with all that in mind….yeah, I usually end up with dicks. 🙂

BUT I thought I’d break out of that and try something different.

This last year, I’ve dated short guys, blonde guys, quiet guys, rich guys, super clever guys, and one board game designer who found Cards Against Humanity ‘offensive’. Well fuck me.

The big challenge has been trying to date the ‘nice guys’ my friends keep telling me are out there but I keep rejecting, because I’m being too difficult or picky or whatever.

So recently, I found myself a nice guy, and gave it a go.

Mr Nice was very handsome. He had just moved back from London (presumably he was kicked out for being too nice) and he was looking for work in a similar field to myself. We chatted for a week or two online then decided to meet up. That’s when the Nice house of cards began to fall apart.

He looked exactly like his photos but he had lied about his height. He was short. Not just a little bit short. He’s shorter than me. I’m 5″4 standing on my toes. He also had quite a small frame, tiny hands (smaller than mine) and a reasonably high pitched voice. Online he looked like a rough stubbly gangster. In real like he looked and sounded like Dominic Cooper had been shrunk in the wash.

BUT I wanted to try and me Ms Nice. So instead of the usual 30 min chat then escaping, I gave him a proper chance and tried really hard not to focus on comparing him with exes, or celebrity crushes, or the barman, or random hot guys that were passing outside on the street.

It was….nice?

At the end of the night he tried to take my hand and kiss me. I cannot describe to you the horrors of that kiss. It was like being assaulted by a mouth slug, or possibly worse…the kind of no feeling savage tongue rapey kiss you’d expect at the end of the night from a 14 year old lad who’s trying to finger you. It was FUCKING AWFUL….

But he was nice…….so I gave him another chance.

Date number two….I’d had some bad news about a job role and was pre-shark week so wasn’t really in the mood, but I tried and he tried and we hung out and it was…..nice. It felt like I was hanging out with someone who might be a friend, but I wasn’t feeling…..pretty much anything else. No sexual attraction, a little wary after the bad kissing, but basically nothing.

I should have RUN. BUT…he was sweet and charming and was trying so hard….

And that is the problem right there. Because he was and is a genuinely nice guy, and because I’ve had so many crappy exes, I was trying to force something that just wasn’t there. I actually thought for a while during these dates that maybe it would be better to try it out with Mr Nice, and see how it went. Maybe it would get better and I’d grow to fancy him…..NOPE.

That was my mistake. I know myself reasonably well and I was fighting myself to try and fit the nice slipper on my foot. I am NOT a ‘nice’ type of gal. 🙂 I am a fiesty, loud, proactive, cougar style sexual mistress who is basically looking for a really ballsy Alpha male who isn’t scared of brains or strong women and who can keep up.

Mr Nice was nice, and to be fair to him cute, but that was it. I felt nothing but the niceness and it started to make me cringe.

We actually got to date number three. That was the final straw.

I invited him round the new pad. He slunk in and met my housemates, who took one look at him, and darted me a confused look. We escaped to my room where he proceeded in a very nice and passive way to seduce me. In a nice way. He was all over me like a fucking octopus…trying to hold me hands and stroke my hair and arms and give me terrible kisses. Compliments flying everywhere, and more hand holding….

From the right guy this would have been awesome, but this just felt wrong. You know that scene in Back to the Future where Marty’s mum kisses him….her face? THAT!

It got worse and worse…the lack of sexual attraction and increasing anxiety about the nice made me start to flinch away. He was telling boring awful dad jokes, and talking about tv shows I don’t watch and I was trying desperately not to yawn whilst snatching my hands from his ever moving fingers and arms. He just didn’t stop moving. Underneath all the nice he was like a bag of fucking eels…it must have been his dark side trying to get him to crack. Anyway he wouldn’t stop moving.

In the end I had to give a fake yawn and say I was tired and due to shark week sex just wasn’t happening because “it hurt too much and was too messy.”…regular readers will know this is a blatant lie but the niceness is catching and I really didn’t want to hurt his feelings by screaming FUCK OFF YOU CRAP KISSER.

He pouted then smiled and looked up at me with these nice puppy dog eyes and said he didn’t mind having sex when I was on. At that point I’d had enough.

“Yeah but I’m tired and I like people going down on me during sex and right now I’m bleeding so….(YAWN) time for bed. NIGHT!”

Moral of the story? Mr Nice may be a sweetie…..but I’m not. Also learned that nice guys can be dicks in a whole new, needy, twitchy, intense way…even playing on ‘nice’ to try and get laid and excuse a lot of faults because they’re still better than the dicks right? Wrong.

You can’t fake passion and a bad kisser is never excusable. As lovely as he will be for someone else…he just wasn’t right and I was right not to settle, and especially not to sleep with Mr Nice just because he was nice. Nice just isn’t enough.

So no sex for me…but I’m away this weekend with 6000 twenty something men. Target rich environment. Wish me luck!

😉

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littlewelshminx

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A Minxy Guide to Dating and Mental Health Issues

 

Girl-Head-in-Hands-Black-White-Image-12302014

Hey Minx Lovers,

Welcome to summer – have you had a nice Bank holiday so far? 🙂 I got incredibly sunburned this week but it has faded down from lobster to sun-kissed brown so I’m much happier.

So a few weeks ago it was Mental Health Awareness week, but as it was right in the middle of my essays I had to wait a while to get enough time to sit down and write this blog.

So as you know, dating and relationships and sex can be tricky enough things to manage at the best of times. When one or both people involved suffers from mental health issues, things can get a lot more complicated. Today I’ll be talking about my own experiences with dealing with dating and mental health. This isn’t going to be the usual type of blog I write, and it’s more of a general musing, so please bear with me.

A few years ago I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. From chatting to various doctors it looks like I have the kind that turns up every now and again and I’ve possibly had it since the age of about 12.

The reason I am writing this blog is that it looks like it’ll always be there and could turn up again at any moment. There is no waiting for a right time to date or hoping it will go away forever. It won’t.

So what does this mean? Well, obviously with the benefit of hindsight, I can now spot times when I was probably in the middle of a bad patch and just didn’t realise what the hell was going on. This means that partners would not have known what was going on either. I struggle to handle the huge surges of negative emotions that can rock up for weeks or months. Being in a relationship means giving and taking. It gets very difficult to be around someone and to act normal when your brain is feeding you this everyday:

“You’re worthless. You’ll never get married. He’ll cheat. She’s prettier than you. Everyone hates you. You’ll never get a proper job. You’re a freak. Nobody loves you. You’re a failure. You’re going to fail. You’ve forgotten something. You’ll never get that job…”

And it goes on and on and on. Fun times eh?

I find that I’m at my happiest when I’m really busy. I love variety and change and seeing lots of different people. Keeping busy and doing things helps to block out the negative thoughts and deal with the depression and anxiety. I feel like by moving and doing things, I’m DOING something to beat it, and I’m OK. HOWEVER, a big part of dating and relationships requires time and patience. You need to sometimes sit back and relax and let things happen. I feel constantly torn between knowing I need to chill, get off dating sites, relax, and feeling like I proactively need to solve my dating ‘problem’, both to meet someone, and to keep the negative monkeys off my back.

This means that I’ve been on and off dating sites for the better part of a decade. Still haven’t met someone. Dating sites have become increasingly popular over the last 10 years and more and more people are turning to them for dating….and casual hook ups….and to be cruel / bully people/ troll people. When most of my friends are now married/ have families, my options for meeting people face to face are shrinking at the speed of light (you need a social life with single people to meet other single people in the real world). Dating sites are one of the few options I’m left with to meet new people. What do they do to people like me? They basically magnify and multiply the worries and problems by 1000. They expose you to a lot of people in an environment where communication is ambiguous and people are less concerned about their behaviour because of the anonymity. I constantly felt like I’d woken up in a pseudo orgy/ frat party where I didn’t know the rules and I was made to feel needy and abnormal for actually wanting to meet someone and chat. It basically sucks so I’m off them all.

So yeah….meeting people is hard.

When I have actually met people, it was normally in real life. Bumping into my last bf was a sheer fluke. (For the record, no, I NEVER intended to turn into a cougar and get a younger man. I was after rich professors. 🙂 He just had charm and a cheeky grin.) Face to face and taking things slower works much better for me in terms of actual relationships, but in truth, I struggle with those. All the emotional crap gets so much that I generally find it upsets me too much. I get too attached too quickly or I cut myself off altogether. From a young age I started to divorce sex from feelings and just go after a quick easy fuck because…well sex itself is amazing and fun and you don’t have to love people to have fun.

After a while it became a habit and now I’m pretty much terrified of feeling something for someone again. I’m having to reboot my head/heart to try and get back on an even keel with it.

It makes it hard to open up and it makes it incredibly difficult to trust people. I generally put up a very loud bouncy and or scary front, and not many people ever really get to know me that properly because I keep walls up and I lie my ass off. It’s not intentional or meant to be deceptive. You do what you do to get through the day, and as I said, habits form. It’s no coincidence that I give my exes nicknames – I don’t just do that for the blog. It’s a way of distancing them.

During a bad patch my sex drive can vanish completely and I go emotionally numb. Not cold….I mean numb. During my last patch there are several weeks that are a vague grey blur I can hardly remember. But what I’ve learned is that luckily this will pass and things will get better.

As for telling people……I’ve only ever told one person, and bless him, he didn’t know where to look or what to say or do. Ironically he was pretty open about saying that he didn’t have a fucking clue, and that actually made me laugh which helped a lot. I didn’t rush into telling him…I’m not sure if that was a good thing or not. When I date again I’ll take each day as it comes. If people can’t deal…fuck em. I come with mental health issues, but I also come with a really warm loving heart, pretty eyes, a decent pair of tits and a filthy sense of humour. It’s a package deal.

So…how do I deal with it? Well, for starters, it’s not all there all the time. I have bad patches and good patches. I have spent the last few years tweaking my lifestyle and the way I do things to try and help myself deal with it better. I used to be a real sugar junkie and I have cut back a lot. I eat a lot better and I exercise now (never used to – was such a lazy kid!). I try and get out for a walk every day. I make sure I give myself plenty of time with buffers to get important stuff done – this was part of my general stress reduction techniques. I have started doing more things for me – writing this blog being one of them.

I’ve also had a really good long hard look at the people in my life and I’m making a huge effort to put time into relationships (of any sort) that are good for me. Anyone who makes me feel anxious or stresses me out or is basically displaying dick like behaviour is gone. It’s been quite refreshing to have a mental clear out like that, but at the end of the day, if they’re making me feel awful, I just don’t need or want them around.

I try to be calmer and to take things a bit slower. This is very difficult for me but I’m trying. I’m also listening to my gut a lot more. If I feel anxious or uncomfortable or if any red flags go up with someone or in a situation, I address it. I can’t afford to let any niggles become a big deal.

I’ve been trying to go off type and stray out of my comfort zone a little. This basically means dating blondes, gingers and skinny dudes. So far no luck, but it’s been interesting to branch out and try and meet new people instead of just dismissing men out of hand because they don’t fall into my safe zone.

I’ve also tried to give myself a break and stop beating myself up for not being married/ settled yet. This is really hard to do in today’s society. Single women without kids in their 30s get so much shit it’s untrue and if you don’t tick certain boxes you can be made to feel like a complete failure. The reality is that nobody’s ever perfect, and you don’t actually get any prizes for being in relationships or being married ( I checked!). It’s mostly down to luck and chance, so fuck all that noise.

Hmmm….let’s see…closing thoughts?

Does having mental health issues prevent you from having a sex life?

Fuck no.

Mental health better

I find talking about my mental health stuff helps a lot. I have been terrified of being thought of as crazy and being judged. Opening up a dialogue helps to deal with that.

I get help and take steps when I need it. Mental health problems are no different or worse to physical health problems. You break a leg, you get a plaster cast, you catch a cold, you swig some Benylin (or whinge about manflu hahahah!). Both can affect or slow up your dating life, but it does not mean it can’t ever happen or it’s over forever.

At the moment I’m taking a break from dating. I’ve got a lot of other stuff going on right now and as much as I like being busy, with big life stuff I can only juggle a few things at a time. Still could really do with a shag, but that’s actually a good sign. I will get out there again…and I do still believe one day I’ll meet a good man. Hopefully one who’s packing and really good in bed.

🙂

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littlewelshminx

 

 

Posted in anxiety, dating, dating issues, dating with anxiety, dating with depression, depression, fucking, not putting up with shit, Sex, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

28 Days: A.K.A Period Sex

Keep Calm I'm on my period

Hello minxes,

Sorry it’s been a while. At the end of my second term and in the middle of essay writing (fun times!) but thought I’d dash off a quick blog as I miss you all and it’s been a while.

So tonight I’m going to talk about period sex and what sex is like on your period for girls.

Periods are an essential biological feature and usually occur roughly once every 28 days give or take a few. The hormones that the body releases during this time react with each other to prepare the womb, release an egg, then have a spring clean so it can get ready to do the whole thing again next month. These hormones also have an affect on your mood and sex drive, and you can go from 0-60 in a matter of days depending on the time of your cycle.

Here is an example of an average month for me.

Weeping

Period -2 days. Starting to feel grumpy, and a little touchy. Not really that sexually excited by anything other than chocolate or cheese. Have put on some pre-period weight.

Period -1 day. Major PMS, hormones going everywhere. Sex drive nearly at zero. I cry at the drop of a hat, and am obsessed with watching weepy films/tv moments and ridiculously sappy Youtube clips. Because of my age (30s) Youtube ads are always about pregnancy tests, which makes me cry even more. Up to top end of period weight. If I recognise the dates, it’s OK. If I forget, all hell breaks lose. I will throw things.

Shark

Period Day 1. Oh there it is. If I’m with a partner, usual secret sigh of relief that I’m not pregnant. Then the pain kicks in. Fuckfuckfuckfuck FUCK. Hedgehogs are gnawing their way through my ovaries for the next 12 hours. Sex drive has hit zero. I am bleeding from my vagina and in a lot of pain. Combination of stabbing, aching, gnawing plus headaches, dizziness and feeling sick. This is the only time during the month I am neither horny or hungry. I am ready to kill. Leave me the fuck alone.

Period Day 2. Pain eases off. Hormones are balancing. No longer want to kill everything in sight, but neither do I want to suck dick. Why? STILL bleeding from my vagina. Usually feel annoyingly hot or cold today.

Period Days 3-4. Pain almost gone. Hormones stabilised. Weight from water retention going down. Pretty much back to normal in myself. Sex drive rising back to normal levels. I would consider sex now, as long as the guy is not a cunt about the fact that…you guessed it…still bleeding from my vagina. Get a towel and don’t whinge like a bitch.

Period Day 5-6. Period nearly gone / gone. Sex drive completely back to normal. Weight nearly back to normal……I feel sexy and horny and ready to make up for lost time. Let’s go!

Happy Woman

Week 2. Normally the week after my period I am feeling on top of the world and yes….horny, but not as bad as….

Dita

Weeks 3- 4 For some reason, guessing hormones, this is when I seem to be at my worst. For the two weeks before my period I get increasingly frisky, and right up until Pre-period Day 2 I am just about ready to jump on someone. This is probably my body getting me in the mood to get pregnant. Assuming contraception is available, NOW is a great time to ask for sex. The closer we get to the DangerZone, the wilder it’ll get.

So….period sex stories. Yes I’ve done it with different guys. Did I like it? Yeah….kind of….some was better than others. I remember an ex’s group of mates referred to it as getting ‘Red Wings’… unfairly I thought as it feels nothing like flying (unlike Weeks 3/4!). It’s a bit messy, a bit naughty, but can be a lot of fun. I highly recommend dark towels and bed-sheets if you’re going to give it a go, and just avoid it if you’re a clean freak or the guy is squeamish, as not everyone appreciates their cock covered in blood, and some men are fainters. Haha.

Other things to consider with periods….try and remember when you’re due on. It can be a bit disconcerting if you’re having sex…or going down on someone….and then all of a sudden… Yes. I know a few stories and as funny as they are now, they weren’t to the people involved at the time.

Myself?

When I was a lot younger I was staying over a boyfriend’s mums and woke up naked in the morning wrapped in his arms….happy, comfy, feeling very loved, then I felt something on my leg and looked down. Was it his cock giving me a happy good morning? No. It was my period which had arrived in the middle of the night. All over myself….and him….and his mum’s spare bedroom set. I was MORTIFIED. He woke up as I was panicking. I took one look at him and burst into tears and it took him half an hour to calm me down.

I obviously got my days wrong and it was a complete accident, but you know what? That’s part of having sex and being human. It gets messy and these things happen, but  it’s NOT the end of the world.

So period sex…..if you actively choose to go for it (Red Wings up for grabs) or it just kind of happens all over you, don’t panic. Get a towel, have a shower, and chill.

If you’re not that keen…..just give it a couple of days. 🙂

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LittleWelshMinx

Posted in dating, dating issues, experience, feeling sexy, fucking, menstruation, period, period sex, periods, Personal experience, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

A Minxy Guide to: A Dirty Weekend

donotdisturb

Hello my Dear Minx lovers, and welcome once again!

Today we will be exploring the fabulous world of the dirty weekend. Recently I was offered such an experience by a rather dashing gentleman friend, and I wish to share the wisdom of what we learned.

Dirty weekends away mean just that – a weekend, spent away, sometimes in secret, to have sex (or as much sex as humanly possible).

  1. Leave the laptop / Book a babysitter / Turn your phone off

In a digital age, more and more reports are coming out about people having less and less sex. This is a travesty and needs to stop. You have to make room in your life for sex! If you have a dirty weekend, this needs to be a time for you and your lover. This is NOT a work / child friendly zone. Make sure that you switch off anything that can connect you to the outside world and focus on YOU.

2.Location Location Location

We booked a REALLY swish hotel down on the south coast with a beautiful sea view. I was very impressed. You need to find somewhere that will make you feel completely relaxed and chilled out and just a tiny bit like a Bond girl. A huge bed a nice bar and restaurant and a no-kids policy will seal the deal. Somewhere cheap and cheerful can be equally as fun, but if you get the chance, splash some cash. Tap into your holiday budget and split the bill to make it go further. You only live once.

3. Buy nice underwear

This is a PERFECT opportunity to treat yourself to some sexy new lingerie. Time to hit up the high street for something silky and sexy, possibly with stockings. If you’re feeling adventurous, get something a little wilder – dress up, get a role play outfit or switch silk for leather, PVC or latex. I dropped some cash on a gorgeous new red set. While I recommend Boux Avenue, my sexy little number was from somewhere a little more wallet friendly.

4. Have a game plan

While you might be keen to just jump on your beau and get going, it always helps to have a rough idea of where the night (or days and nights) will lead you. Do you want to just rip each other’s clothes off or would you prefer a slow build up, some drinks and dinner first? Discuss this BEFORE you get there, especially if said beau is a casual acquaintance rather than a steady partner.

Also be prepared to change the game plan, and be flexible. You never know where a romantic midnight stroll, or a ‘quick’ shower or mid-sex cwtch or a bottle of bubbly may lead you.

5. Go hard, go wild, go home!

So when you’re finally there and it’s just the two of you…this is your chance to do exactly what you want, without interruptions, and a perfect opportunity to spend the whole night exploring fantasies, teasing and pleasing, or simply having AS MUCH sex as possible. As your partner what they’ve always longed for and tell them your wild ideas and dreams, and  apply the Vegas rule – what happens in Vegas / London / Brighton etc stays there! Be prepared to get very little sleep….one weekend many many many moons ago I was woken regular as clock work on the hour, every hour for a whole night. I woke up sandy-eyed and exhausted but incredibly happy.

This life is very short and it’s important to make sure you make time for the good stuff…this includes orgasms and sexy fun. 😉

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littlewelshminx

 

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Roses Are Red? – A Minx’s Guide to Valentine’s Day 2017

valentines-day

Hello my dear Minx lovers!

And a Happy Valentine’s Day to you one and all!

As today is Valentine’s Day, I’d like to do a quick run down of this fabulous festive day of delights, and share with you some of my Valentine’s day experiences.

At the moment it’s still Me Myself and I, and therefore I have been flying solo this V Day. Has this ruined my day or week? Am I currently weeping Bridget Jones style into a bottle of vodka, make-up smeared, hysterical and morbidly worrying about dying alone?

Am I fuck.

Next week will be a whole year of being single. One WHOLE year. I haven’t done this since I was 16. It feels like I’m one of the skinny women in a Weight Watchers advert, holding up a photo of me. Here’s what I look like now…

I have a bad habit of falling into (ricocheting between) men and relationships, so it’s been amazing to just be able to focus on me for a change, rather than worrying about pleasing/ upsetting someone else or unconsciously working around someone else’s timetable, friendship group, or even life. At the moment…it’s just me.In terms of V-Day, this meant I got to do EXACTLY what I wanted today.

I’m not having to cook anything, or get dressed up (which involves body prep…the leg shaving alone is exhausting enough to make it not worth it.) I’m not sitting in a crowded restaurant full of couples ignoring each other and playing on phones, wondering why I spent a hour trying to look nice when my date couldn’t even be bothered to iron a shirt.

No. Today, I had a lie in, then did some uni work. I went to my favourite cafe (much love J &J!), I got some free biscuits AND a free caramel yogurty thing (score). I did some more work. I planned my weekend. I had 4 offers of dates tonight (turned them down) and had several very sweet Valentine’s messages. I made of point of sending Valentine’s Day greetings to friends, especially the single guys and girls in my life. I’ve just had a massive salad (covered in prosciutto ham). I’m now curled up with a glass of really cheap Buck’s Fizz listening to Spotify and musing on the offer of a dirty weekend I’ve had for a few weeks time.

For me that is a fucking PERFECT Valentine’s Day. It was literally everything I wanted to do. I received genuine love and affection from people I cared about, and my Valentine’s Day pressies were amazing – free biscuits and caramel things? AWESOME!! 🙂

Reality is, as much as I am a hopeless romantic at heart, I just want to relax and enjoy nice food, drink and company on V Day, and that’s exactly what I did.

In the past…well let’s see. Last year I ended up in a weird platonic orgy…by which I mean I went out with my significant other and his friends to the rugby in Cardiff..so I didn’t bother dressing up, which surprised him. To this day I don’t get why. It was a fun day out, but romantic? No.  I do feel bad that he made me a card and I bought him one a bit late, but in fairness, I’d tried to do something romantic for Christmas which he’d been vocally unhappy about, and I’d stopped caring….the SS Romance was clearly sinking. Anyway, it was a bit confusing, mostly due to different expectations and ideas….and I learned that romance isn’t a group activity. I still have the card though…that was incredibly sweet, especially as it was unexpected.

Other Valentine’s Days with boyfriends have included flowers, jewellery, meals….one guy was a chef and made me the most gorgeous champagne breakfast in bed. I’ve been wined and dined and it was all nice…but….well…not to be ungrateful, but things like the homemade cards….or the book of poetry bought in a charity shop….the gestures that were specifically for me….those are the ones I loved the most.

As for being single….I’ve had some cracking single Valentine’s Days as well. Use it as some bonding time with your friends. I’ve been to four strip shows on Valentine’s Day, and they were all incredibly funny, fun, eye popping nights out. Me and the girls got completely rat-arsed and saw an interesting mix of naked men, from the slightly chunkier dude with a cock like a marrow, to the slicker swisher strip groups straight out of London, all abs and six packs and baby oil, capable of making even this love hardened Minx blush.

Being with someone on is no guarantee of success or romance, and being single doesn’t mean that the day is going to be a complete write off either.

If you’re feeling a bit lonely or shit this year, grab a drink, grab a steak, grab a mate, grab the remote…whatever. Stop screaming, crying, sulking, stressing, shouting, pouting, or ranting. Take charge and make it YOURS.

Just because it’s Valentine’s Day, doesn’t mean it has to be a massacre. 😉

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love,

littlewelshminx

 

 

 

Posted in love, Romance, Uncategorized, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day for couples, Valentine's Day for singles | Leave a comment

Kiss Kiss (Bang Bang?)

kiss

Hello my dear Minx lovers and welcome to the first blog of 2017!

So the reason I have been quiet is the same reason that I had a chilled out New Year’s Eve. Due to 4 weeks of Uni  essays, I took it easy, which meant that I wasn’t out, and didn’t start the New Year with a snog.

Now this tradition comes from English and German folklore, which suggests that a kiss at midnight on New Year can strengthen a budding romance and if you don’t kiss someone, it will result in you being lonely and loveless the following year. Aside from being complete bollocks (THAT’S RIGHT! 😀 ) a kiss in itself is not enough to guarantee anything, and a bad kiss can be worse than no kiss at all.

In terms of bad kisses and bad kissers, I have encountered the following:

ken-doll

The Ken Doll

This type of guy kisses you like a Ken doll. He holds you politely, usually lightly around the waist, but with minimum contact. Close mouthed, and boring, you bump lips together but that’s it – no tongue, no sucking, nibbling, or anything else. Dry and dutiful, the Ken Doll kisser is the beigest of the lot and pecks away at your face like a pigeon pecking at a discarded bag of chips. Like Barbie, you’re left disappointed, frustrated, and wondering how quickly you can ditch this bozo for GI Joe.

the-biter

The Biter

I like a bit of an animal in bed, but The Biter just takes the piss. Starting out slowly, The Biter will suddenly start to chomp down. Taking your lips between his teeth he will bite you hard enough to draw blood, over and over again, leaving you battered and bruised. If this is a pre-arranged BDSM thing, it’s fine. In any other circumstances, it’s rude and demonstrates very poor technique. Muzzle him and move on.

hair-pulling

The Hair Puller

I fucking HATE having my hair grabbed in any way, so for me hair pullers are among the WORST kisser and lovers imaginable. You’re kissing…their hands go up the back of your neck, twist into your hair and suddenly YANK! They pull from the middle of your hair, wrapping their hands inside your locks, and tugging, usually away from themselves, causing your head to jerk about and resulting in your hair being pulled out. This isn’t done in a sexy, “I’m in charge, I’m going to hold your head still while I kiss you and make you see stars kind of way. This is done in a “I’ve watched too much porn and I saw this on Xhamster therefore she’s bound to dig it”. As with the biting, without forewarning and permission, hair pulling is a no. A head massage and a deep condition will have you as a good as new.

Washing machine.png

The Washing Machine

The Washing Machine grabs your head, sticks his tongue as far into your mouth as it will go, and swirls it around without stopping for hours. He gets into a his groove and just goes round and round, slobbering all over the place, spit going everywhere.  Aside from the fact that you’re nearly choking, he doesn’t use his lips or try to mix it up at all. Most Washing Machines usually have a spin cycle, which means that they can go slightly faster, but generally that’s the only type of variety they can offer. One perk is that this type of kisser has (unintentionally) given himself a lot of very useful skills when it comes to going down on girls, and a little bedroom feng shui could put him in a much better position to please.

st-bernard

The St Bernard

 Slobbery kissers are the worst. Not satisfied with kissing your mouth, The St Bernard will attempt to kiss your ENTIRE face, licking and drooling over your lips, chin, nose, cheeks, spit going everywhere. These are usually among the noisiest kissers, and they sound like they’re trying to suck a dozen jelly shots through a really tiny straw. Their tongues feel like manic oysters inside your mouths. You can’t breath but you’re in genuine danger of drowning. St Bernards are usually the result of over enthusiasm, and are therefore also among the most likely candidates to leave you with love bites. Not satisfied with trying to eating your face, they will creep onto your ear and neck, and leave you looking like you lost a fight with an Octopus. There is no excuse for this type of kisser, especially in anyone over the age of 21. They kiss girls the way a hungry dog attacks an ice cream, and their love making skills are just as terrible. (Trust me.)

A good kisser…

So what ARE we looking for in a good kisser?

Kisses should be passionate, exciting, and varied. From slow kisses with lip biting, to hot hard kisses full of the promise of wild orgasms, it’s really important to mix it up. Kissing is elementary foreplay,it becomes spicier by increasing physical contact, through holding or stroking fingers, wrapping your arms around someone’s waist or neck, or pushing someone up against a wall. Tongue action is important, but not all the time. Brushing someone’s lips with your own, and kissing someone on the neck or decolletage can create just as many fire works. A full blown knicker wetting snog in the back of a taxi can be just as exciting and meaningful as a gentle loving kiss on the forehead or nose. Good kissers should literally take your breath away and make you see stars – I’ve been lucky enough to have a few of these and they were amazing.

If you’ve decided to make some changes for 2017, make sure that you avoid bad kissers and bad kissing. Life is too short, so go out and find the best kissers possible. The really good ones are definitely worth the wait. 😉

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littlewelshminx

Posted in 2017, bad kisser, bad kissing, good kisser, kiss, kisses, kissing, Uncategorized | Leave a comment