A Minxy Guide to Dating and Mental Health Issues

 

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Hey Minx Lovers,

Welcome to summer – have you had a nice Bank holiday so far? ๐Ÿ™‚ I got incredibly sunburned this week but it has faded down from lobster to sun-kissed brown so I’m much happier.

So a few weeks ago it was Mental Health Awareness week, but as it was right in the middle of my essays I had to wait a while to get enough time to sit down and write this blog.

So as you know, dating and relationships and sex can be tricky enough things to manage at the best of times. When one or both people involved suffers from mental health issues, things can get a lot more complicated. Today I’ll be talking about my own experiences with dealing with dating and mental health. This isn’t going to be the usual type of blog I write, and it’s more of a general musing, so please bear with me.

A few years ago I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. From chatting to various doctors it looks like I have the kind that turns up every now and again and I’ve possibly had it since the age of about 12.

The reason I am writing this blog is that it looks like it’ll always be there and could turn up again at any moment. There is no waiting for a right time to date or hoping it will go away forever. It won’t.

So what does this mean? Well, obviously with the benefit of hindsight, I can now spot times when I was probably in the middle of a bad patch and just didn’t realise what the hell was going on. This means that partners would not have known what was going on either. I struggle to handle the huge surges of negative emotions that can rock up for weeks or months. Being in a relationship means giving and taking. It gets very difficult to be around someone and to act normal when your brain is feeding you this everyday:

“You’re worthless. You’ll never get married. He’ll cheat. She’s prettier than you. Everyone hates you. You’ll never get a proper job. You’re a freak. Nobody loves you. You’re a failure. You’re going to fail. You’ve forgotten something. You’ll never get that job…”

And it goes on and on and on. Fun times eh?

I find that I’m at my happiest when I’m really busy. I love variety and change and seeing lots of different people. Keeping busy and doing things helps to block out the negative thoughts and deal with the depression and anxiety. I feel like by moving and doing things, I’m DOING something to beat it, and I’m OK. HOWEVER, a big part of dating and relationships requires time and patience. You need to sometimes sit back and relax and let things happen. I feel constantly torn between knowing I need to chill, get off dating sites, relax, and feeling like I proactively need to solve my dating ‘problem’, both to meet someone, and to keep the negative monkeys off my back.

This means that I’ve been on and off dating sites for the better part of a decade. Still haven’t met someone. Dating sites have become increasingly popular over the last 10 years and more and more people are turning to them for dating….and casual hook ups….and to be cruel / bully people/ troll people. When most of my friends are now married/ have families, my options for meeting people face to face are shrinking at the speed of light (you need a social life with single people to meet other single people in the real world). Dating sites are one of the few options I’m left with to meet new people. What do they do to people like me? They basically magnify and multiply the worries and problems by 1000. They expose you to a lot of people in an environment where communication is ambiguous and people are less concerned about their behaviour because of the anonymity. I constantly felt like I’d woken up in a pseudo orgy/ frat party where I didn’t know the rules and I was made to feel needy and abnormal for actually wanting to meet someone and chat. It basically sucks so I’m off them all.

So yeah….meeting people is hard.

When I have actually met people, it was normally in real life. Bumping into my last bf was a sheer fluke. (For the record, no, I NEVER intended to turn into a cougar and get a younger man. I was after rich professors. ๐Ÿ™‚ He just had charm and a cheeky grin.) Face to face and taking things slower works much better for me in terms of actual relationships, but in truth, I struggle with those. All the emotional crap gets so much that I generally find it upsets me too much. I get too attached too quickly or I cut myself off altogether. From a young age I started to divorce sex from feelings and just go after a quick easy fuck because…well sex itself is amazing and fun and you don’t have to love people to have fun.

After a while it became a habit and now I’m pretty much terrified of feeling something for someone again. I’m having to reboot my head/heart to try and get back on an even keel with it.

It makes it hard to open up and it makes it incredibly difficult to trust people. I generally put up a very loud bouncy and or scary front, and not many people ever really get to know me that properly because I keep walls up and I lie my ass off. It’s not intentional or meant to be deceptive. You do what you do to get through the day, and as I said, habits form. It’s no coincidence that I give my exes nicknames – I don’t just do that for the blog. It’s a way of distancing them.

During a bad patch my sex drive can vanish completely and I go emotionally numb. Not cold….I mean numb. During my last patch there are several weeks that are a vague grey blur I can hardly remember. But what I’ve learned is that luckily this will pass and things will get better.

As for telling people……I’ve only ever told one person, and bless him, he didn’t know where to look or what to say or do. Ironically he was pretty open about saying that he didn’t have a fucking clue, and that actually made me laugh which helped a lot. I didn’t rush into telling him…I’m not sure if that was a good thing or not. When I date again I’ll take each day as it comes. If people can’t deal…fuck em. I come with mental health issues, but I also come with a really warm loving heart, pretty eyes, a decent pair of tits and a filthy sense of humour. It’s a package deal.

So…how do I deal with it? Well, for starters, it’s not all there all the time. I have bad patches and good patches. I have spent the last few years tweaking my lifestyle and the way I do things to try and help myself deal with it better. I used to be a real sugar junkie and I have cut back a lot. I eat a lot better and I exercise now (never used to – was such a lazy kid!). I try and get out for a walk every day. I make sure I give myself plenty of time with buffers to get important stuff done – this was part of my general stress reduction techniques. I have started doing more things for me – writing this blog being one of them.

I’ve also had a really good long hard look at the people in my life and I’m making a huge effort to put time into relationships (of any sort) that are good for me. Anyone who makes me feel anxious or stresses me out or is basically displaying dick like behaviour is gone. It’s been quite refreshing to have a mental clear out like that, but at the end of the day, if they’re making me feel awful, I just don’t need or want them around.

I try to be calmer and to take things a bit slower. This is very difficult for me but I’m trying. I’m also listening to my gut a lot more. If I feel anxious or uncomfortable or if any red flags go up with someone or in a situation, I address it. I can’t afford to let any niggles become a big deal.

I’ve been trying to go off type and stray out of my comfort zone a little. This basically means dating blondes, gingers and skinny dudes. So far no luck, but it’s been interesting to branch out and try and meet new people instead of just dismissing men out of hand because they don’t fall into my safe zone.

I’ve also tried to give myself a break and stop beating myself up for not being married/ settled yet. This is really hard to do in today’s society. Single women without kids in their 30s get so much shit it’s untrue and if you don’t tick certain boxes you can be made to feel like a complete failure. The reality is that nobody’s ever perfect, and you don’t actually get any prizes for being in relationships or being married ( I checked!). It’s mostly down to luck and chance, so fuck all that noise.

Hmmm….let’s see…closing thoughts?

Does having mental health issues prevent you from having a sex life?

Fuck no.

Mental health better

I find talking about my mental health stuff helps a lot. I have been terrified of being thought of as crazy and being judged. Opening up a dialogue helps to deal with that.

I get help and take steps when I need it. Mental health problems are no different or worse to physical health problems. You break a leg, you get a plaster cast, you catch a cold, you swig some Benylin (or whinge about manflu hahahah!). Both can affect or slow up your dating life, but it does not mean it can’t ever happen or it’s over forever.

At the moment I’m taking a break from dating. I’ve got a lot of other stuff going on right now and as much as I like being busy, with big life stuff I can only juggle a few things at a time. Still could really do with a shag, but that’s actually a good sign. I will get out there again…and I do still believe one day I’ll meet a good man. Hopefully one who’s packing and really good in bed.

๐Ÿ™‚

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littlewelshminx

 

 

Posted in anxiety, dating, dating issues, dating with anxiety, dating with depression, depression, fucking, not putting up with shit, Sex, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

28 Days: A.K.A Period Sex

Keep Calm I'm on my period

Hello minxes,

Sorry it’s been a while. At the end of my second term and in the middle of essay writing (fun times!) but thought I’d dash off a quick blog as I miss you all and it’s been a while.

So tonight I’m going to talk about period sex and what sex is like on your period for girls.

Periods are an essential biological feature and usually occur roughly once every 28 days give or take a few. The hormones that the body releases during this time react with each other to prepare the womb, release an egg, then have a spring clean so it can get ready to do the whole thing again next month. These hormones also have an affect on your mood and sex drive, and you can go from 0-60 in a matter of days depending on the time of your cycle.

Here is an example of an average month for me.

Weeping

Period -2 days. Starting to feel grumpy, and a little touchy. Not really that sexually excited by anything other than chocolate or cheese. Have put on some pre-period weight.

Period -1 day. Major PMS, hormones going everywhere. Sex drive nearly at zero. I cry at the drop of a hat, and am obsessed with watching weepy films/tv moments and ridiculously sappy Youtube clips. Because of my age (30s) Youtube ads are always about pregnancy tests, which makes me cry even more. Up to top end of period weight. If I recognise the dates, it’s OK. If I forget, all hell breaks lose. I will throw things.

Shark

Period Day 1. Oh there it is. If I’m with a partner, usual secret sigh of relief that I’m not pregnant. Then the pain kicks in. Fuckfuckfuckfuck FUCK. Hedgehogs are gnawing their way through my ovaries for the next 12 hours. Sex drive has hit zero. I am bleeding from my vagina and in a lot of pain. Combination of stabbing, aching, gnawing plus headaches, dizziness and feeling sick. This is the only time during the month I am neither horny or hungry. I am ready to kill. Leave me the fuck alone.

Period Day 2. Pain eases off. Hormones are balancing. No longer want to kill everything in sight, but neither do I want to suck dick. Why? STILL bleeding from my vagina. Usually feel annoyingly hot or cold today.

Period Days 3-4. Pain almost gone. Hormones stabilised. Weight from water retention going down. Pretty much back to normal in myself. Sex drive rising back to normal levels. I would consider sex now, as long as the guy is not a cunt about the fact that…you guessed it…still bleeding from my vagina. Get a towel and don’t whinge like a bitch.

Period Day 5-6. Period nearly gone / gone. Sex drive completely back to normal. Weight nearly back to normal……I feel sexy and horny and ready to make up for lost time. Let’s go!

Happy Woman

Week 2. Normally the week after my period I am feeling on top of the world and yes….horny, but not as bad as….

Dita

Weeks 3- 4 For some reason, guessing hormones, this is when I seem to be at my worst. For the two weeks before my period I get increasingly frisky, and right up until Pre-period Day 2 I am just about ready to jump on someone. This is probably my body getting me in the mood to get pregnant. Assuming contraception is available, NOW is a great time to ask for sex. The closer we get to the DangerZone, the wilder it’ll get.

So….period sex stories. Yes I’ve done it with different guys. Did I like it? Yeah….kind of….some was better than others. I remember an ex’s group of mates referred to it as getting ‘Red Wings’… unfairly I thought as it feels nothing like flying (unlike Weeks 3/4!). It’s a bit messy, a bit naughty, but can be a lot of fun. I highly recommend dark towels and bed-sheets if you’re going to give it a go, and just avoid it if you’re a clean freak or the guy is squeamish, as not everyone appreciates their cock covered in blood, and some men are fainters. Haha.

Other things to consider with periods….try and remember when you’re due on. It can be a bit disconcerting if you’re having sex…or going down on someone….and then all of a sudden… Yes. I know a few stories and as funny as they are now, they weren’t to the people involved at the time.

Myself?

When I was a lot younger I was staying over a boyfriend’s mums and woke up naked in the morning wrapped in his arms….happy, comfy, feeling very loved, then I felt something on my leg and looked down. Was it his cock giving me a happy good morning? No. It was my period which had arrived in the middle of the night. All over myself….and him….and his mum’s spare bedroom set. I was MORTIFIED. He woke up as I was panicking. I took one look at him and burst into tears and it took him half an hour to calm me down.

I obviously got my days wrong and it was a complete accident, but you know what? That’s part of having sex and being human. It gets messy and these things happen, but ย it’s NOT the end of the world.

So period sex…..if you actively choose to go for it (Red Wings up for grabs) or it just kind of happens all over you, don’t panic. Get a towel, have a shower, and chill.

If you’re not that keen…..just give it a couple of days. ๐Ÿ™‚

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LittleWelshMinx

Posted in dating, dating issues, experience, feeling sexy, fucking, menstruation, period, period sex, periods, Personal experience, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

A Minxy Guide to: A Dirty Weekend

donotdisturb

Hello my Dear Minx lovers, and welcome once again!

Today we will be exploring the fabulous world of the dirty weekend. Recently I was offered such an experience by a rather dashing gentleman friend, and I wish to share the wisdom of what we learned.

Dirty weekends away mean just that – a weekend, spent away, sometimes in secret, to have sex (or as much sex as humanly possible).

  1. Leave the laptop / Book a babysitter / Turn your phone off

In a digital age, more and more reports are coming out about people having less and less sex. This is a travesty and needs to stop. You have to make room in your life for sex! If you have a dirty weekend, this needs to be a time for you and your lover. This is NOT a work / child friendly zone. Make sure that you switch off anything that can connect you to the outside world and focus on YOU.

2.Location Location Location

We booked a REALLY swish hotel down on the south coast with a beautiful sea view. I was very impressed. You need to find somewhere that will make you feel completely relaxed and chilled out and just a tiny bit like a Bond girl. A huge bed a nice bar and restaurant and a no-kids policy will seal the deal. Somewhere cheap and cheerful can be equally as fun, but if you get the chance, splash some cash. Tap into your holiday budget and split the bill to make it go further. You only live once.

3. Buy nice underwear

This is a PERFECT opportunity to treat yourself to some sexy new lingerie. Time to hit up the high street for something silky and sexy, possibly with stockings. If you’re feeling adventurous, get something a little wilder – dress up, get a role play outfit or switch silk for leather, PVC or latex. I dropped some cash on a gorgeous new red set. While I recommend Boux Avenue, my sexy little number was from somewhere a little more wallet friendly.

4. Have a game plan

While you might be keen to just jump on your beau and get going, it always helps to have a rough idea of where the night (or days and nights) will lead you. Do you want to just rip each other’s clothes off or would you prefer a slow build up, some drinks and dinner first? Discuss this BEFORE you get there, especially if said beau is a casual acquaintance rather than a steady partner.

Also be prepared to change the game plan, and be flexible. You never know where a romantic midnight stroll, or a ‘quick’ shower or mid-sex cwtch or a bottle of bubbly may lead you.

5. Go hard, go wild, go home!

So when you’re finally there and it’s just the two of you…this is your chance to do exactly what you want, without interruptions, and a perfect opportunity to spend the whole night exploring fantasies, teasing and pleasing, or simply having AS MUCH sex as possible. As your partner what they’ve always longed for and tell them your wild ideas and dreams, and ย apply the Vegas rule – what happens in Vegas / London / Brighton etc stays there! Be prepared to get very little sleep….one weekend many many many moons ago I was woken regular as clock work on the hour, every hour for a whole night. I woke up sandy-eyed and exhausted but incredibly happy.

This life is very short and it’s important to make sure you make time for the good stuff…this includes orgasms and sexy fun. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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littlewelshminx

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Roses Are Red? – A Minx’s Guide to Valentine’s Day 2017

valentines-day

Hello my dear Minx lovers!

And a Happy Valentine’s Day to you one and all!

As today is Valentine’s Day, I’d like to do a quick run down of this fabulous festive day of delights, and share with you some of my Valentine’s day experiences.

At the moment it’s still Me Myself and I, and therefore I have been flying solo this V Day. Has this ruined my day or week? Am I currently weeping Bridget Jones style into a bottle of vodka, make-up smeared, hysterical and morbidly worrying about dying alone?

Am I fuck.

Next week will be a whole year of being single. One WHOLE year. I haven’t done this since I was 16. It feels like I’m one of the skinny women in a Weight Watchers advert, holding up a photo of me. Here’s what I look like now…

I have a bad habit of falling into (ricocheting between) men and relationships, so it’s been amazing to just be able to focus on me for a change, rather than worrying about pleasing/ upsetting someone else or unconsciously working around someone else’s timetable, friendship group, or even life. At the moment…it’s just me.In terms of V-Day, this meant I got to do EXACTLY what I wanted today.

I’m not having to cook anything, or get dressed up (which involves body prep…the leg shaving alone is exhausting enough to make it not worth it.) I’m not sitting in a crowded restaurant full of couples ignoring each other and playing on phones, wondering why I spent a hour trying to look nice when my date couldn’t even be bothered to iron a shirt.

No. Today, I had a lie in, then did some uni work. I went to my favourite cafe (much love J &J!), I got some free biscuits AND a free caramel yogurty thing (score). I did some more work. I planned my weekend. I had 4 offers of dates tonight (turned them down) and had several very sweet Valentine’s messages. I made of point of sending Valentine’s Day greetings to friends, especially the single guys and girls in my life. I’ve just had a massive salad (covered in prosciutto ham). I’m now curled up with a glass of really cheap Buck’s Fizz listening to Spotify and musing on the offer of a dirty weekend I’ve had for a few weeks time.

For me that is a fucking PERFECT Valentine’s Day. It was literally everything I wanted to do. I received genuine love and affection from people I cared about, and my Valentine’s Day pressies were amazing – free biscuits and caramel things? AWESOME!! ๐Ÿ™‚

Reality is, as much as I am a hopeless romantic at heart, I just want to relax and enjoy nice food, drink and company on V Day, and that’s exactly what I did.

In the past…well let’s see. Last year I ended up in a weird platonic orgy…by which I mean I went out with my significant other and his friends to the rugby in Cardiff..so I didn’t bother dressing up, which surprised him. To this day I don’t get why. It was a fun day out, but romantic? No. ย I do feel bad that he made me a card and I bought him one a bit late, but in fairness, I’d tried to do something romantic for Christmas which he’d been vocally unhappy about, and I’d stopped caring….the SS Romance was clearly sinking. Anyway, it was a bit confusing, mostly due to different expectations and ideas….and I learned that romance isn’t a group activity. I still have the card though…that was incredibly sweet, especially as it was unexpected.

Other Valentine’s Days with boyfriends have included flowers, jewellery, meals….one guy was a chef and made me the most gorgeous champagne breakfast in bed. I’ve been wined and dined and it was all nice…but….well…not to be ungrateful, but things like the homemade cards….or the book of poetry bought in a charity shop….the gestures that were specifically for me….those are the ones I loved the most.

As for being single….I’ve had some cracking single Valentine’s Days as well. Use it as some bonding time with your friends. I’ve been to four strip shows on Valentine’s Day, and they were all incredibly funny, fun, eye popping nights out. Me and the girls got completely rat-arsed and saw an interesting mix of naked men, from the slightly chunkier dude with a cock like a marrow, to the slicker swisher strip groups straight out of London, all abs and six packs and baby oil, capable of making even this love hardened Minx blush.

Being with someone on is no guarantee of success or romance, and being single doesn’t mean that the day is going to be a complete write off either.

If you’re feeling a bit lonely or shit this year, grab a drink, grab a steak, grab a mate, grab the remote…whatever. Stop screaming, crying, sulking, stressing, shouting, pouting, or ranting. Take charge and make it YOURS.

Just because it’s Valentine’s Day, doesn’t mean it has to be a massacre. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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love,

littlewelshminx

 

 

 

Posted in love, Romance, Uncategorized, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day for couples, Valentine's Day for singles | Leave a comment

Kiss Kiss (Bang Bang?)

kiss

Hello my dear Minx lovers and welcome to the first blog of 2017!

So the reason I have been quiet is the same reason that I had a chilled out New Year’s Eve. Due to 4 weeks of Uni ย essays, I took it easy, which meant that I wasn’t out, and didn’t start the New Year with a snog.

Now this tradition comes from English and German folklore, which suggests that a kiss at midnight on New Year can strengthen a budding romance and if you don’t kiss someone, it will result in you being lonely and loveless the following year. Aside from being complete bollocks (THAT’S RIGHT! ๐Ÿ˜€ ) a kiss in itself is not enough to guarantee anything, and a bad kiss can be worse than no kiss at all.

In terms of bad kisses and bad kissers, I have encountered the following:

ken-doll

The Ken Doll

This type of guy kisses you like a Ken doll. He holds you politely, usually lightly around the waist, but with minimum contact. Close mouthed, and boring, you bump lips together but that’s it – no tongue, no sucking, nibbling, or anything else. Dry and dutiful, the Ken Doll kisser is the beigest of the lot and pecks away at your face like a pigeon pecking at a discarded bag of chips. Like Barbie, you’re left disappointed, frustrated, and wondering how quickly you can ditch this bozo for GI Joe.

the-biter

The Biter

I like a bit of an animal in bed, but The Biter just takes the piss. Starting out slowly, The Biter will suddenly start to chomp down. Taking your lips between his teeth he will bite you hard enough to draw blood, over and over again, leaving you battered and bruised. If this is a pre-arranged BDSM thing, it’s fine. In any other circumstances, it’s rude and demonstrates very poor technique. Muzzle him and move on.

hair-pulling

The Hair Puller

I fucking HATE having my hair grabbed in any way, so for me hair pullers are among the WORST kisser and lovers imaginable. You’re kissing…their hands go up the back of your neck, twist into your hair and suddenly YANK! They pull from the middle of your hair, wrapping their hands inside your locks, and tugging, usually away from themselves, causing your head to jerk about and resulting in your hair being pulled out. This isn’t done in a sexy, “I’m in charge, I’m going to hold your head still while I kiss you and make you see stars kind of way. This is done in a “I’ve watched too much porn and I saw this on Xhamster therefore she’s bound to dig it”. As with the biting, without forewarning and permission, hair pulling is a no. A head massage and a deep condition will have you as a good as new.

Washing machine.png

The Washing Machine

The Washing Machine grabs your head, sticks his tongue as far into your mouth as it will go, and swirls it around without stopping for hours. He gets into a his groove and just goes round and round, slobbering all over the place, spit going everywhere. ย Aside from the fact that you’re nearly choking, he doesn’t use his lips or try to mix it up at all. Most Washing Machines usually have a spin cycle, which means that they can go slightly faster, but generally that’s the only type of variety they can offer. One perk is that this type of kisser has (unintentionally) given himself a lot of very useful skills when it comes to going down on girls, and a little bedroom feng shui could put him in a much better position to please.

st-bernard

The St Bernard

ย Slobbery kissers are the worst. Not satisfied with kissing your mouth, The St Bernard will attempt to kiss your ENTIRE face, licking and drooling over your lips, chin, nose, cheeks, spit going everywhere. These are usually among the noisiest kissers, and they sound like they’re trying to suck a dozen jelly shots through a really tiny straw. Their tongues feel like manic oysters inside your mouths. You can’t breath but you’re in genuine danger of drowning. St Bernards are usually the result of over enthusiasm, and are therefore also among the most likely candidates to leave you with love bites. Not satisfied with trying to eating your face, they will creep onto your ear and neck, and leave you looking like you lost a fight with an Octopus. There is no excuse for this type of kisser, especially in anyone over the age of 21. They kiss girls the way a hungry dog attacks an ice cream, and their love making skills are just as terrible. (Trust me.)

A good kisser…

So what ARE we looking for in a good kisser?

Kisses should be passionate, exciting, and varied. From slow kisses with lip biting, to hot hard kisses full of the promise of wild orgasms, it’s really important to mix it up. Kissing is elementary foreplay,it becomes spicier by increasing physical contact, through holding or stroking fingers, wrapping your arms around someone’s waist or neck, or pushing someone up against a wall. Tongue action is important, but not all the time. Brushing someone’s lips with your own, and kissing someone on the neck or decolletage can create just as many fire works. A full blown knicker wetting snog in the back of a taxi can be just as exciting and meaningful as a gentle loving kiss on the forehead or nose. Good kissers should literally take your breath away and make you see stars – I’ve been lucky enough to have a few of these and they were amazing.

If you’ve decided to make some changes for 2017, make sure that you avoid bad kissers and bad kissing. Life is too short, so go out and find the best kissers possible. The really good ones are definitely worth the wait. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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littlewelshminx

Posted in 2017, bad kisser, bad kissing, good kisser, kiss, kisses, kissing, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

A Good Old Fashioned Shafting

anal

Hello my dear Minx Lovers,

I hope you’re all well and had a lovely Halloween. I was planning on doing a spooky themed blog tonight, but seeing as the Australian rugby team just provided Wales with a fantastic example of getting shafted, I thought I’d write about that instead.

So…anal!

I will come straight out and say it. I’m not the biggest fan. The reason being is that 80% of the time, the men in my life have completely sucked balls at it, and like a soufle, either get it perfect or it’s ruined.

The first time I tried, we didn’t really plan it well.I can’t actually remember who the guy was, but the pain has been scorched onto my soul and sexual being like a branding iron.

I was so young and naive and stupid I didn’t realise the importance of lube, taking it slowly, or changing position to ease it in. Now, even the smaller end of the cock-sphere can and WILL feel like a Giant Redwood being forced up your arse if you do it wrong, and no lube only adds to the problem. So what did it feel like?

Take the aforementioned Redwood, wrap it in sandpaper and add a dash of vinegar and chilli sauce – now image that being rammed up your arsehole – a device which is designed to allow soft things to leave, not large hard pokey things to enter.

The pain – fuck me. The pain was incredible. It was like being burned and punched in the stomach and stabbed all at the same time. A blistering stinging aching throbbing cunt of a pain. A complete bastard. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t really breath. It was fucking awful.

After a couple of different goes (with different guys) I actually found that it could be both pleasant and satisfying. You have to go slowly – ease it in gently, gently, softly, and then….bingo! Kind of feels nice….and then nicer, and obviously you’ve got the fact it’s dirty, which adds to everything as being filthy is a turn on.

So thoughts / questions?

What kind of speed? Too fast – no. Jack-hammering in any situation is for stupid naive boys who don’t know what they’re doing. If you’re still fucking like that you need to stop right now, because you’ll hurt your partner and tear things. You need to start off really really slowly. Also, if you do that to someone, and they feel The PAIN….you’re likely to be the next person to feel The PAIN.

Will I bleed? – more than likely – and don’t let the guy get away with feeling all smug because he literally just tore you a new one. Tiny cocks can do just as much internal damage as big ones. Be prepared for the blood – wasn’t expecting that either and it freaked me out.

What helps? USE LUBE! Lots of lube. Buy lube JUST for anal. (The type that doesn’t eat its way through latex so your condoms are safe). Take your time! This is something you kind of have to plan for – avoiding spicey food / excess meals the day before is a good idea.

Wash gently…try and go to the loo before, as it will at least ease the obvious factor that you’re shoving a cock into a place where poo comes out. Worrying about that side of things is a mood killer. Accept that poo and blood are potential factors if you’re going for anal, and get over it.

Element of surprise? NO! Fuck me…the number of “Oh Whoops I slipped/ Can I just / Baby can we..?” conversations I’ve had mid-sex is ridiculous. The Australian team fucked Wales up the arse today without so much as a by your leave and how did that feel? Exactly. Ask permission FIRST!

Expected? As far as I can recall – no sex should EVER be expected. Just because you’re dating someone doesn’t mean they have to EVER let you fuck them in the arse, or vice versa. I don’t give a flying fuck how much sexting/porn-watching/causal/open relationship/hey bae let’s get crazy/ hormone driven the world is getting. Nobody owes anyone any time of sex EVER and anal is very much included.

What does it feel like when you do it wrong?

As I said….Giant Redwood wrapped in sandpaper rammed repeatedly up your arse.

And when it goes right?

Can be a really decent night in! ๐Ÿ™‚ Bit dirty..bit kinky and if you’re with the right person…yeah, not bad.

Things to watch out for?

In my experience anal sex is like the ultimate goal for men and they turn into whining whingeing babies about it. Having anal sadly encourages this annoying behaviour, but don’t do it TOO often. I have a friend who worked in porn once told me about the day when a poor girl suffered a rectal prolapse. Just saying.

Don’t use the good sheets. Trust me on this one.

I’ve deliberately avoided anal with men over a certain size. If you’re struggling to fit someone inside your pussy without the aid of a shoehorn, think of what that’s going to do to your arse. (this is the part where some of the people ย I’ve slept with realise I’ve had bigger.)

For medium to smaller sized cocks, anal can be really fun. Even teeny cocks feel huge when they go through the back door so it can actually improve your sex life.

Anyway,I’ve calmed down enough now to open a bottle of fizz to take away the sting of the rugby, so time to bail.

Have a happy bonfire night one and all and speak soon!

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littlewelshminx

 

 

Posted in anal sex, bad boys, bad girls, cock size, pain, Uncategorized | 2 Comments

A Sparky First Date

sparks

 

Good evening Minx lovers, how have we all been?

Tonight’s blog will be all about first dates, and the sheer joy of (eventually) bumping into someone that you actually have SPARKS with.

The last 6 months of dating can be summed up as a Disney right-off. I’ve met the dating equivalent of the Seven Dwarves (Sleazy, Dopey, Grumpy, Skinny, Skanky, Bashful and Pissed).

seven-dwarves

I’ve met some proper villains, some half-hearted nasty bastards, and some vague little side characters who, like black dots on an optical illusion, vanish if you try to look at them directly. (Give it a month or two and they’ll turn up again, with a vague message along the lines of “LOL, sorry, work’s been mental, how about you.” Yeah yeah, fuck off Christian Grey, nobody’s THAT busy.)

As I say to my friends, with every failed attempt, I end up a little wiser and stronger, and with some great writing material and character ideas that I can squirrel away for future books and plays.

However, each failed attempt is also another little chip into your hope and belief that there are semi decent dudes out there, and sadly, there are plenty of the nasty ones around who lead you on, waste your time and yes…even make a hardened Minx like myself cry.

Dating is and always will be tough. It makes you question yourself, your place in the world, your belief in people, and sometimes you get to a point where you just go

FUCK IT. FUCK EM ALL. I’ve had ENOUGH!!

I had reached such a point a few weeks back, and I was in the process of closing down conversations (just vanishing is fucking rude) when I realised one of the guys I’d been chatting to seemed kind of… sparky. Interesting.

raised-eyebrow

We were actually getting along. He was bright, funny, open minded, chilled….he hadn’t once bitched about an ex wife or gf, didn’t have any baggage, and hadn’t asked to see a naked pic.

Yes. Yes that is appalling that just by being a decent guy he was standing out. There are scumbags out there, and any half decent man positively shines. If you have stuff in common – major bonus.

So why was this one different?

For starters, HE asked ME out. I’m a big believer in equal opportunities, and it’s totally cool for girls to ask guys, but you know what? Sometimes, I just want a bit of old fashioned romance, and it makes me feel like I’m dating an old-fashioned man, rather than a lazy / pussy ass boy.

So a lot of first dates suggestions usually consist of a coffee (safe option but if you dribk to many you’ll be high as a kite with eyes like pinholes), a drink (which can translate into a few drinks then maybe crash at mine?) or a meal (terrible idea for a first date – you could be stuck for 2 hours with your eyes glazing over as they show you pictures of their llama / ugly children / car…unless you’re driving something like aย 1961 Ferrari GT California, I don’t care.)

He suggested a walk around a park. Bonus points for romantic aspect, and love the fact it was a bit different. We met on the corner by the Rec in Cardiff. He was sitting on a bench, and had been into the library and was flicking through a book. ๐Ÿ™‚ More bonus points.

So we met and hugged, and he seemed sweet and a bit shy but very chilled. Now, normally on dates, I’m trying to hold in my natural bounce. I’m one of Nature’s Tiggr types and that is hard to hide and I know that it can be scary. But around him, I immediately felt relaxed and calm. I don’t do calm. This was intriguing.

So we walked and talked..about jobs and work, and music, and films, and books and everything. I can remember at one point I quoted Voltaire, and he finished the quote for me. Hmmmm….bright and well read. Nice.

We walked around the lake, then sat for an hour and watched people on paddle boats. I felt happy and relaxed, and was really enjoying his company. When he suggested dinner, it was an immediate yes.

Now, for regular readers, you know I like my food and I’m a carnivor – sex blog aside – I really like my meat. When he suggested a vegan place, I was intrigued and decided that it would be cool to try something new. It was an awesome restaurant and the food was incredible.

During the meal, he chatted and only touched his phone to check in with a friend he was meeting later. He actually asked if I minded if he called his mate. Proper old school gentleman stuff.

I was really gutted when I had to go, and as we left, I realised we’d been out for nearly 4 hours.

It may not have been everyone’s cup of tea, but that was my kind of first date. Romantic, simple, great conversation, great company, and great food. He was sweet and kind and thoughtful, and genuinely interested in me, and making a good impression. No awkwardness…just easy, fun, and flirty. Perfect.

This is the reason why I keep dating. For all the crap you go through, for all the frogs (and toads, weasels, ratbags, fuckwits and just plain DICKS) that are out there….there are still some decent guys out there, and every now and again, you’ll go on a date that is wonderful, where you spark with someone.

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littlewelshminx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in dating, dating in your 30s, dating instincts, dating issues, first date, first dates, internet dating, online dating, Uncategorized | Leave a comment