A Minx’s Guide to dating: Chefs

Hot chef

 

Hello minx lovers and welcome to another blog!

Seeing as I had an absolutely fantastic date with a chef last night, I thought I would drop you a guide to what it is like to date these wild creatures.

As some of you know, I spent a long time working in trade and hospitality jobs. My early experiences working with chefs will stay with me forever. They were like a pirate crew working in perfect synchronicity. This involved working with an absolute army of chefs in many venues scattered all over the country. Due to the long hours, most people in trade end up dating (or at least fucking) each other, and I have dated several chefs over the years.

Ok…to start with, chefs work in a hot, very high pressure, mostly male environment. My early experiences working with chefs will stay with me forever. They were like a pirate crew working in perfect synchronicity.

To survive in a kitchen, you have to have a great sense of humour, and incredible physical, mental and emotional stamina. Chefs work outside the 9-5 lifestyle, generally late nights into the early hours, making them quirky outsiders in both a professional and pirate type environment. Filthy, testosterone filled, confident and hilarious, they have high sex drives and low tolerance for bullshit.

Moving, twisting and flowing around each other, check clad, muscles straining to move pots, pans, plates and roasting tins in 40 plus degree heat, sweat dripping down tanned flushed, stubbled faces, open-necked stained jackets showing chest hair, cut-off sleeves straining over naturally toned muscles, barrel-chested, huge arms, calling and shouting orders and check-backs, laughing and joking as they turned out 50, 100, 200 covers a shift. The sweat, steam, smoke, fire and smell of the food combined into a sensory overload. I was completely and utterly hooked. Chefs work long hard hours in a very physically demanding role, and as a result most of them are very strong, and muscly, if not ripped. More than capable of pinning you down….or picking you up for that matter. 😉

From the younger ones cutting their teeth as sous and grill, to the older more experienced heads of department, most of the chefs I’ve met have a confident cheeky swagger that just makes me melt. They have to be confident or they wouldn’t survive the job. It’s an old school, Han  Solo-esque rascal quality that I fucking love. I’m a strong woman and I’m attracted to strong confident men. Chefs have this in spades.

The good ones love food. I mean LOVE food – and if you are into food or cooking, you will at the very least pick up some incredible recipes, if not be wined and dined like a princess. One of my favourite memories was being spoilt with Eggs Benedict Royale and champagne for breakfast. You can chat food and cooking styles and trends to your heart’s content.

As previously mentioned, they have a filthy, dark and twisted sense of humour. You need it to survive in that kind of environment without snapping or stabbing someone. I have never laughed as much as in a kitchen, and these experiences have had a huge ( and probably unfortunate) impact on my own sense of humour. Delicate and sweet innocents be warned – don’t go near them….you will end up blushing and running for the door. If you can cope, you’ll laugh your arse off.

The fact that they work backwards hours, and generally need to be slightly nuts to do the job means that chefs are good for anyone else working in trade, or in a similar non-standard anti 9-5 lifestyle situation. If you are happy to date someone a bit mental who finishes work at midnight or 1am, and is hardly around on the weekends or holidays, grab yourself a chef. If you’re after someone more 9-5 in terms of availability, then just avoid them. The kitchen will come first every time, and don’t think you can change that because you can’t.

Vices. All chefs have at least one vice, usually smoking, drinking, drugs, gambling or sex. Usually you get a combination of a few of these. A recent programme by Gordon Ramsey explored the amount of cocaine being consumed in his restaurants by both customers and staff. It’s pretty standard. Chefs work long hours – we’re talking 14 hour shifts, on their feet, in very high temperatures, delivering high quality food in high pressured situations. They have these vices to keep them going and to chill them out. Standard for the industry, so be aware.

Promiscuity – kitchens are a bit like the Olympic village – everyone is hot, horny and fucking everyone else. New waitresses and waiters are arriving at every kitchen door and service hatch at all times of the year, and sexual tension runs high. It is worth noting that in the hospitality industry people get together a lot, they cheat a lot and the divorce rate is high, but if you are just looking for a quick fling or some causal fun then the kitchen could be the place for you. Plus, worth mentioning while I know a lot of chefs who are total dogs, I also know a few really sweet ones who are smitten with their partners – not all bad!

Kinkiness. Chefs are filth. Absolute filth. Another reason why I love them so much. They will try to fuck you at work. They will try to bend you over their work station. They are inventive, slutty smutty beasts. I have a particularly fond memory of being tied to a bar stool by a chef that still makes me giggle and blush to this day. Enjoy it.

So…what happened last night? Well my date was with a friend I worked with on a summer job. When we met there was an immediate spark. I looked into his eyes and we just smiled and started bantering. I found myself wishing he was on shift – it always went faster when we were working together and we got on really really well. Seeing as we’ve both been single for a really long time and I haven’t dated anyone in a good 4 months, we thought we’d have a catch up.

Still cute. Still had amazing arms and gorgeous eyes. Chemistry was still there. I got to hang out with him for ages and it was as if nothing had changed – we were still bouncing off each other as if we’d only just walked off shift. He was warm and open and funny and really affectionate – something I haven’t had in a while. I had a fab evening catching up with some beers, cwtching and chilling out. Also finally got to kiss him, which was pure magic. 😉

So yes – if you’re up for a laugh, then chefs are the way to go.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

littlewelshminx

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements
Posted in chefs, dating, dating issues, hospitality, kitchens, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Turn it (off and) on again: How to get your mojo back on track

Girl pouting

 

Hello dear Minxes, and welcome to autumn!

I hope you all had a wonderful summer and are settling back into the cooler September days with plenty of fabulous filthy memories to keep you smiling.

What’s that I hear you cry? Do I sound a little smug? Lol settle in minxes, do I have some stories for you.

OK so as you know I’ve pretty much been off the relationship scene for about 18 months. Before this summer, I’d had some sex, the odd fling, a short term 6 month fuck buddy I hardly saw, and I dated but that was it. No long term attachments, no real deep love.

Truth was I was getting jaded. Sex is one thing but it was actually really nice, and good for me, to take a break from relationships. A few people including family members will argue that I haven’t because I’ve been dating, but to me, dating is something kind of fun to do that might have potential. I didn’t get overly attached to any of them. Most of them were, quite frankly, not worth it. It was something to do on a Friday. And sadly, 99% weren’t even fuckable.

So I stayed single, and focused on me. And I found time to reconnect, and yeah, properly get over the ex and some exes before. Do you know what I realised? After the initial few months of flailing about and desperately trying not to jump straight back into a couple….being single was kind of fun! I got to be 100% selfish…all of the time. My standards have definitely improved as a result of this. I stopped being ‘nice’ to people I hardly fancied, and when I had sex, it was completely uncomplicated.

After 16 years of ricocheting around DatingLand, this was fucking FANTASTIC! I was able to take a really long hard look at myself and make some big changes. All of the energy I used to put into relationships and men and love and feeling shit were suddenly just going into me. Results so far have included losing weight, getting a bit fitter, quitting my job, going back to Uni and nearly finished a second MA degree, as well as getting a bitching new house-share, and an amazing new job. Cool eh?

So I was enjoying myself, probably friskier than I’d like, things were going peachy, and I actually felt…for want of a better word…at peace with myself. Things weren’t perfect, and it’s not been an easy year, but it was really great not to have a man draining my energy and fucking things up. However, I started to get a little…well…..cynical.

As I said I was dating, and I kept meeting these…to be blunt, ugly stupid fuckwits. It just kept happening…over and over and over and I woke up one morning and realised to my horror that because I had been able to focus on me, when I looked back at THEM, the scales from my eyes had fallen away. The unwashed illiterate miscreants that I would have taken pity on in my early 20s were now repulsive, irritating and just fucking awful.

In gaming terms, I had levelled up.

Oh ho! I cried, I guess I’ll be needing a massive supply of batteries as I’ll probably never get decent sex again. The usual ‘decent’ ones had become boring and beige, and I was now seeing the sexy ‘cocky’ ones for the difficult cunts they actually are. Fair play. Give it a few years and i’ll find me a younger man and go full blown Cougar.

Aha! Said the Universe. You won’t have to wait that long. 😉

So anyway, this is the thing about having a relationship sex reboot. If you decide to take a break and chill, even if you needed it (like me) even if you were really hurting (sadly also me) no matter how convinced you are that now you’ve found yourself and you’ll be alone and possibly celibate for the rest of time…someone will inevitably turn up to throw you right back into the game.

As with computers, if you want a reboot, switch it off….the Universe will send someone your way to turn you on again.

Turn it off and on.png

My particular revelation came in the shape of a very tall dark French-Dutch hybrid, a few (!) years younger. I have known this guy for about 2 years and we are reasonably close friends. Out of the blue, I looked at him one day and suddenly I had this familiar and horrible lurch and that was it. I didn’t just want him…I WANTED HIM. I wanted him so fucking badly that it hurt.

This tall, geeky very sweet man…god knows what happen but this imperceptible shift turned him into Adonis god of fucking.

But he was a friend! Oh my god I tried so hard to fight it. For about a month I ignored it, and had serious chats with myself and long arguments in my head late at night…going along the lines of yes…no!….yes…no!!!!!

It was like a magnet. I felt myself slowly but surely being drawn closer and closer and I had such little control that I could barely think. When the Universe reboots your sex drive it doesn’t fuck about.

One night, staying over his….after a solid five hours of not being able to sleep….something snapped inside my head. I had to try. I had to at least see what my brain was screaming about. What the fuck was it suddenly in this guy that was driving me so bloody crazy that I couldn’t sleep.

My body and psyche had apparently caught a scent of something that my brain just wasn’t clocking. I snuck into his room (actually crashed into it) and we talked for a while..then one thing led to another….

Man's back

He turned out to be 100% hot French-Dutch Fucking machine. I had no idea.

What followed was a month of pure unbridled, passionate, fun and multiple-orgasm filled fucking of the like I have not had in YEARS. Being so tall, he was able to go full Alpha male, and not only did I need it, but I fucking LOVED it. The sex we had was so insanely good that I’m actually glad he was leaving shortly after it began. It was the kind of sex that can be addictive.

Not only was he a fucking demon in the sack, but he was incredibly cool with it as well, and in one month, he managed to undo years of damage from crap boyfriends and awful dating. I felt alive and excited and turned on and so sexy, and again….who fucking knew?!

If you meet someone that you have this kind of sex with, there are two possible outcomes. You either keep them forever, or take it for what it is and enjoy every single filthy fabulous moment of it and for years you can bask in the glorious memories of some of the best sex you’ve ever had.

Just knowing that sex like that is still out there has genuinely restored my faith in men, and he has proved that good ones still exist.

While we are now back to just friends, we are closer than before, and I have been left with some fantastic memories and a post-sex haze that a month after the fling, still hasn’t quite died down yet. Sometimes, all you need is a reboot, and for someone to turn you off and on again. And believe me, it’s worth taking a shot and just saying “Fuck it”….even at 5am. 😉

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

littlewelshminx

 

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The Great Fuck Fuck-Up Fairy

Green Fairy

Good Evening Minx lovers,

Today we are talking about The Great Fuck Fuck-Up Phenomenon. This is a really annoying thing that happens occasionally when you really want someone.

Now normally I don’t really give a fuck what people think of me. I flirt with everyone, and flirt heavily with a fair number of people. It’s just how I operate. But every now and again, when I properly like someone or really really fancy them, I basically turn into a complete and utter moron. If I have slept with someone like that, it gets even worse.

Something in my brain (my vagina) takes over, and I change from a vaguely rational human being to a stammering, stumbling, stuttering, geeky, clumsy, Klutz. I drop things. I trip over. I can’t talk properly. If I see them I completely crumble. Even if days before I was fine talking to them.

Eddie Murphy has an interesting theory that if a man can make a woman come really REALLY hard, there’s a power shift and he’s basically got her. In terms of me and Great Fucks, I think he might have a point. Your brain….melts…some shit happens…I can’t explain it but it makes it hard to function.

So anyway, recently I have had an….unexpected encounter with someone who on paper is both younger, incredibly bad for me and in bed turned out to be pretty fucking hot. I initiated it. It was awesome and I was pretty smug and happy with things….or so I thought.

Great Fuck

Until the Great Fuck Fuck-Up Fairy struck again. FFS.

So after our first few encounters there was a bit of a gap when we had been busy and then we planned to rendezvous at my new place. Fine. No problem. Tension’s gone right? It’s all cool…still causal…still friends…brilliant.

I finish work and head home and start to get ready. And…what’s this? Nerves? Pfttt. I’m a Minx. I don’t get nervous? Hahahahaha…yeah bollocks I don’t.

I ignored the nerves. I tidied my room – properly for those of you who know me well, and thanks for laughing! I pottered about the house for a few hours. The nerves got worse. What the FUCK was wrong with me?

I had been drinking tea all day at work, and at this point the latest batch of caffeine kicked in and I started trembling. So I’m nervous and shaking and start getting messages saying he’s on his way. Which makes it even fucking worse. Jesus H Christ. I’m morphed into a virgin!

So I continue to do some personal prep which includes having a nice long relaxing shower and de-fuzzing (Hollywood – if you’re going to fuck up a razor go the whole way). It takes ages….I’m still shaking like a rattlesnake so have to do this really slowly.  But I wanted to look hot for this guy.

So why was I making so much of an effort? Why was I so nervous? The clue’s in the title. When you sample different styles over the years you develop an eye/taste for quality and let me tell you boys and girls, I am a connoisseur in this field, and high quality sex is a rarity indeed. If you meet someone who brings out your inner wolf and clicks with you that well you enjoy the ride. Basically because you’re happy and flooded with lust and an intense desire to impress them enough to do all that bad shit to you again.

It also triggers hormonal responses that make you nervous and turn you into a fucking idiot. The Great Fuck Fuck-Up Fairy is one of life’s cruel ironies. If you wear a nice shirt to impress a girl you will drop your food down it in front of her the second you clock her looking. If you like a guy, you will trip up over your own heels the second he arrives. If someone has fucked you brains out (ahem 🙂 ) and you’re going back for more….shit will go down to make you look like a right twat.

I think it’s nature’s way of keeping people grounded and the population down.

Anyway, where was I…OK.

So I was getting ready….he was on his way. I was showered and shaved….everywhere… even to the top of my legs which I never bother doing. I had deep conditional and blow-dried my hair, and even put a bit of make-up on to try and look pretty but not TOO pretty. I looked pretty good and was excited.

Yay – I get some sex tonight! Wooohooo!

I start to potter and clean and I’m getting more nervous by the minute. I start to clear the dinner plates from the lounge. My flatmates who have been watching me scurrying about with increasing amusement tell me it’s cool and they’ll clean up.

I hiss at them “For the love of GOD give me something to do!” and carry on as they start laughing at me and taking the piss. Time ticks by and suddenly I get a message from him.

“He’s HERE!!!!” I shriek…to more laughter. I check myself in a mirror. Ok, make-up is decent, hair is shiny and pretty bouncy, teeth done, dress is tidy (also short and accessible), legs yes, other places, yes, food is ready to go, room yes….I am GOOD to go.

I casually saunter towards the front door, desperately trying to stop shaking, take a break, and lean out, chilling.

He walks up, smiling with a bottle of wine. I kiss his cheek.

“You look nice.”

“Aww, thank you.”

“Also your dress is tucked into your knickers. Is this wine OK and can I have a shower?”

FFS

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

Fucking Great Fuck Fairy Strikes Again.

I readjusted, feigning sleepiness and indifference before hustling him upstairs, then going in to the lounge, bent double, head in hands, bright red to tell the girls what had happened.

Thankfully he was in the shower by this point and didn’t hear the shout of laughter from downstairs.

Lol however embarrassing that was, it didn’t really matter. These kind of things happen in life all the time and sex is no different. He laughed and was cool. The girls laughed…a lot….but told me they thought he was hot and I’d done well even for a seasoned cougar. It was one of those things that happens to everyone at some point, and the important thing to remember is that the Great Fuck Fuck-Up Fairy only seems to turn up when I am having particularly good sex. In spite of my mishap, round two proved to be as hot as round one and I ended up red-faced for a completely different reason. 😉

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

lots of love

littlewelshminx

 

 

Posted in embarrassing, Great Fuck, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Dating the ‘Nice’ Guy

Nice Guy

 

Hello Minx lovers!

I’m off on a weekend break at the crack of dawn but it’s been a while since I’ve given you any Minx love so thought I’d bang out a quick blog update (pun very much intended).

So I’m still single (not celebate) and I’m just under a year and a half of being single (again NOT celebate). In an effort to try new things and meet new types of people, I have spent a good part of this time dating guys I would never usually even consider.

I have a type – medium to tallish (but not too tall as I’m short), medium to stockier build but not tubby, light eyes, dark hair, good arms. I am a complete sucker for a guy who can make me laugh and is a bit of a maverick/geek. I like confident men, who aren’t complete dicks. So with all that in mind….yeah, I usually end up with dicks. 🙂

BUT I thought I’d break out of that and try something different.

This last year, I’ve dated short guys, blonde guys, quiet guys, rich guys, super clever guys, and one board game designer who found Cards Against Humanity ‘offensive’. Well fuck me.

The big challenge has been trying to date the ‘nice guys’ my friends keep telling me are out there but I keep rejecting, because I’m being too difficult or picky or whatever.

So recently, I found myself a nice guy, and gave it a go.

Mr Nice was very handsome. He had just moved back from London (presumably he was kicked out for being too nice) and he was looking for work in a similar field to myself. We chatted for a week or two online then decided to meet up. That’s when the Nice house of cards began to fall apart.

He looked exactly like his photos but he had lied about his height. He was short. Not just a little bit short. He’s shorter than me. I’m 5″4 standing on my toes. He also had quite a small frame, tiny hands (smaller than mine) and a reasonably high pitched voice. Online he looked like a rough stubbly gangster. In real like he looked and sounded like Dominic Cooper had been shrunk in the wash.

BUT I wanted to try and me Ms Nice. So instead of the usual 30 min chat then escaping, I gave him a proper chance and tried really hard not to focus on comparing him with exes, or celebrity crushes, or the barman, or random hot guys that were passing outside on the street.

It was….nice?

At the end of the night he tried to take my hand and kiss me. I cannot describe to you the horrors of that kiss. It was like being assaulted by a mouth slug, or possibly worse…the kind of no feeling savage tongue rapey kiss you’d expect at the end of the night from a 14 year old lad who’s trying to finger you. It was FUCKING AWFUL….

But he was nice…….so I gave him another chance.

Date number two….I’d had some bad news about a job role and was pre-shark week so wasn’t really in the mood, but I tried and he tried and we hung out and it was…..nice. It felt like I was hanging out with someone who might be a friend, but I wasn’t feeling…..pretty much anything else. No sexual attraction, a little wary after the bad kissing, but basically nothing.

I should have RUN. BUT…he was sweet and charming and was trying so hard….

And that is the problem right there. Because he was and is a genuinely nice guy, and because I’ve had so many crappy exes, I was trying to force something that just wasn’t there. I actually thought for a while during these dates that maybe it would be better to try it out with Mr Nice, and see how it went. Maybe it would get better and I’d grow to fancy him…..NOPE.

That was my mistake. I know myself reasonably well and I was fighting myself to try and fit the nice slipper on my foot. I am NOT a ‘nice’ type of gal. 🙂 I am a fiesty, loud, proactive, cougar style sexual mistress who is basically looking for a really ballsy Alpha male who isn’t scared of brains or strong women and who can keep up.

Mr Nice was nice, and to be fair to him cute, but that was it. I felt nothing but the niceness and it started to make me cringe.

We actually got to date number three. That was the final straw.

I invited him round the new pad. He slunk in and met my housemates, who took one look at him, and darted me a confused look. We escaped to my room where he proceeded in a very nice and passive way to seduce me. In a nice way. He was all over me like a fucking octopus…trying to hold me hands and stroke my hair and arms and give me terrible kisses. Compliments flying everywhere, and more hand holding….

From the right guy this would have been awesome, but this just felt wrong. You know that scene in Back to the Future where Marty’s mum kisses him….her face? THAT!

It got worse and worse…the lack of sexual attraction and increasing anxiety about the nice made me start to flinch away. He was telling boring awful dad jokes, and talking about tv shows I don’t watch and I was trying desperately not to yawn whilst snatching my hands from his ever moving fingers and arms. He just didn’t stop moving. Underneath all the nice he was like a bag of fucking eels…it must have been his dark side trying to get him to crack. Anyway he wouldn’t stop moving.

In the end I had to give a fake yawn and say I was tired and due to shark week sex just wasn’t happening because “it hurt too much and was too messy.”…regular readers will know this is a blatant lie but the niceness is catching and I really didn’t want to hurt his feelings by screaming FUCK OFF YOU CRAP KISSER.

He pouted then smiled and looked up at me with these nice puppy dog eyes and said he didn’t mind having sex when I was on. At that point I’d had enough.

“Yeah but I’m tired and I like people going down on me during sex and right now I’m bleeding so….(YAWN) time for bed. NIGHT!”

Moral of the story? Mr Nice may be a sweetie…..but I’m not. Also learned that nice guys can be dicks in a whole new, needy, twitchy, intense way…even playing on ‘nice’ to try and get laid and excuse a lot of faults because they’re still better than the dicks right? Wrong.

You can’t fake passion and a bad kisser is never excusable. As lovely as he will be for someone else…he just wasn’t right and I was right not to settle, and especially not to sleep with Mr Nice just because he was nice. Nice just isn’t enough.

So no sex for me…but I’m away this weekend with 6000 twenty something men. Target rich environment. Wish me luck!

😉

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

littlewelshminx

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

A Minxy Guide to Dating and Mental Health Issues

 

Girl-Head-in-Hands-Black-White-Image-12302014

Hey Minx Lovers,

Welcome to summer – have you had a nice Bank holiday so far? 🙂 I got incredibly sunburned this week but it has faded down from lobster to sun-kissed brown so I’m much happier.

So a few weeks ago it was Mental Health Awareness week, but as it was right in the middle of my essays I had to wait a while to get enough time to sit down and write this blog.

So as you know, dating and relationships and sex can be tricky enough things to manage at the best of times. When one or both people involved suffers from mental health issues, things can get a lot more complicated. Today I’ll be talking about my own experiences with dealing with dating and mental health. This isn’t going to be the usual type of blog I write, and it’s more of a general musing, so please bear with me.

A few years ago I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. From chatting to various doctors it looks like I have the kind that turns up every now and again and I’ve possibly had it since the age of about 12.

The reason I am writing this blog is that it looks like it’ll always be there and could turn up again at any moment. There is no waiting for a right time to date or hoping it will go away forever. It won’t.

So what does this mean? Well, obviously with the benefit of hindsight, I can now spot times when I was probably in the middle of a bad patch and just didn’t realise what the hell was going on. This means that partners would not have known what was going on either. I struggle to handle the huge surges of negative emotions that can rock up for weeks or months. Being in a relationship means giving and taking. It gets very difficult to be around someone and to act normal when your brain is feeding you this everyday:

“You’re worthless. You’ll never get married. He’ll cheat. She’s prettier than you. Everyone hates you. You’ll never get a proper job. You’re a freak. Nobody loves you. You’re a failure. You’re going to fail. You’ve forgotten something. You’ll never get that job…”

And it goes on and on and on. Fun times eh?

I find that I’m at my happiest when I’m really busy. I love variety and change and seeing lots of different people. Keeping busy and doing things helps to block out the negative thoughts and deal with the depression and anxiety. I feel like by moving and doing things, I’m DOING something to beat it, and I’m OK. HOWEVER, a big part of dating and relationships requires time and patience. You need to sometimes sit back and relax and let things happen. I feel constantly torn between knowing I need to chill, get off dating sites, relax, and feeling like I proactively need to solve my dating ‘problem’, both to meet someone, and to keep the negative monkeys off my back.

This means that I’ve been on and off dating sites for the better part of a decade. Still haven’t met someone. Dating sites have become increasingly popular over the last 10 years and more and more people are turning to them for dating….and casual hook ups….and to be cruel / bully people/ troll people. When most of my friends are now married/ have families, my options for meeting people face to face are shrinking at the speed of light (you need a social life with single people to meet other single people in the real world). Dating sites are one of the few options I’m left with to meet new people. What do they do to people like me? They basically magnify and multiply the worries and problems by 1000. They expose you to a lot of people in an environment where communication is ambiguous and people are less concerned about their behaviour because of the anonymity. I constantly felt like I’d woken up in a pseudo orgy/ frat party where I didn’t know the rules and I was made to feel needy and abnormal for actually wanting to meet someone and chat. It basically sucks so I’m off them all.

So yeah….meeting people is hard.

When I have actually met people, it was normally in real life. Bumping into my last bf was a sheer fluke. (For the record, no, I NEVER intended to turn into a cougar and get a younger man. I was after rich professors. 🙂 He just had charm and a cheeky grin.) Face to face and taking things slower works much better for me in terms of actual relationships, but in truth, I struggle with those. All the emotional crap gets so much that I generally find it upsets me too much. I get too attached too quickly or I cut myself off altogether. From a young age I started to divorce sex from feelings and just go after a quick easy fuck because…well sex itself is amazing and fun and you don’t have to love people to have fun.

After a while it became a habit and now I’m pretty much terrified of feeling something for someone again. I’m having to reboot my head/heart to try and get back on an even keel with it.

It makes it hard to open up and it makes it incredibly difficult to trust people. I generally put up a very loud bouncy and or scary front, and not many people ever really get to know me that properly because I keep walls up and I lie my ass off. It’s not intentional or meant to be deceptive. You do what you do to get through the day, and as I said, habits form. It’s no coincidence that I give my exes nicknames – I don’t just do that for the blog. It’s a way of distancing them.

During a bad patch my sex drive can vanish completely and I go emotionally numb. Not cold….I mean numb. During my last patch there are several weeks that are a vague grey blur I can hardly remember. But what I’ve learned is that luckily this will pass and things will get better.

As for telling people……I’ve only ever told one person, and bless him, he didn’t know where to look or what to say or do. Ironically he was pretty open about saying that he didn’t have a fucking clue, and that actually made me laugh which helped a lot. I didn’t rush into telling him…I’m not sure if that was a good thing or not. When I date again I’ll take each day as it comes. If people can’t deal…fuck em. I come with mental health issues, but I also come with a really warm loving heart, pretty eyes, a decent pair of tits and a filthy sense of humour. It’s a package deal.

So…how do I deal with it? Well, for starters, it’s not all there all the time. I have bad patches and good patches. I have spent the last few years tweaking my lifestyle and the way I do things to try and help myself deal with it better. I used to be a real sugar junkie and I have cut back a lot. I eat a lot better and I exercise now (never used to – was such a lazy kid!). I try and get out for a walk every day. I make sure I give myself plenty of time with buffers to get important stuff done – this was part of my general stress reduction techniques. I have started doing more things for me – writing this blog being one of them.

I’ve also had a really good long hard look at the people in my life and I’m making a huge effort to put time into relationships (of any sort) that are good for me. Anyone who makes me feel anxious or stresses me out or is basically displaying dick like behaviour is gone. It’s been quite refreshing to have a mental clear out like that, but at the end of the day, if they’re making me feel awful, I just don’t need or want them around.

I try to be calmer and to take things a bit slower. This is very difficult for me but I’m trying. I’m also listening to my gut a lot more. If I feel anxious or uncomfortable or if any red flags go up with someone or in a situation, I address it. I can’t afford to let any niggles become a big deal.

I’ve been trying to go off type and stray out of my comfort zone a little. This basically means dating blondes, gingers and skinny dudes. So far no luck, but it’s been interesting to branch out and try and meet new people instead of just dismissing men out of hand because they don’t fall into my safe zone.

I’ve also tried to give myself a break and stop beating myself up for not being married/ settled yet. This is really hard to do in today’s society. Single women without kids in their 30s get so much shit it’s untrue and if you don’t tick certain boxes you can be made to feel like a complete failure. The reality is that nobody’s ever perfect, and you don’t actually get any prizes for being in relationships or being married ( I checked!). It’s mostly down to luck and chance, so fuck all that noise.

Hmmm….let’s see…closing thoughts?

Does having mental health issues prevent you from having a sex life?

Fuck no.

Mental health better

I find talking about my mental health stuff helps a lot. I have been terrified of being thought of as crazy and being judged. Opening up a dialogue helps to deal with that.

I get help and take steps when I need it. Mental health problems are no different or worse to physical health problems. You break a leg, you get a plaster cast, you catch a cold, you swig some Benylin (or whinge about manflu hahahah!). Both can affect or slow up your dating life, but it does not mean it can’t ever happen or it’s over forever.

At the moment I’m taking a break from dating. I’ve got a lot of other stuff going on right now and as much as I like being busy, with big life stuff I can only juggle a few things at a time. Still could really do with a shag, but that’s actually a good sign. I will get out there again…and I do still believe one day I’ll meet a good man. Hopefully one who’s packing and really good in bed.

🙂

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

littlewelshminx

 

 

Posted in anxiety, dating, dating issues, dating with anxiety, dating with depression, depression, fucking, not putting up with shit, Sex, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

28 Days: A.K.A Period Sex

Keep Calm I'm on my period

Hello minxes,

Sorry it’s been a while. At the end of my second term and in the middle of essay writing (fun times!) but thought I’d dash off a quick blog as I miss you all and it’s been a while.

So tonight I’m going to talk about period sex and what sex is like on your period for girls.

Periods are an essential biological feature and usually occur roughly once every 28 days give or take a few. The hormones that the body releases during this time react with each other to prepare the womb, release an egg, then have a spring clean so it can get ready to do the whole thing again next month. These hormones also have an affect on your mood and sex drive, and you can go from 0-60 in a matter of days depending on the time of your cycle.

Here is an example of an average month for me.

Weeping

Period -2 days. Starting to feel grumpy, and a little touchy. Not really that sexually excited by anything other than chocolate or cheese. Have put on some pre-period weight.

Period -1 day. Major PMS, hormones going everywhere. Sex drive nearly at zero. I cry at the drop of a hat, and am obsessed with watching weepy films/tv moments and ridiculously sappy Youtube clips. Because of my age (30s) Youtube ads are always about pregnancy tests, which makes me cry even more. Up to top end of period weight. If I recognise the dates, it’s OK. If I forget, all hell breaks lose. I will throw things.

Shark

Period Day 1. Oh there it is. If I’m with a partner, usual secret sigh of relief that I’m not pregnant. Then the pain kicks in. Fuckfuckfuckfuck FUCK. Hedgehogs are gnawing their way through my ovaries for the next 12 hours. Sex drive has hit zero. I am bleeding from my vagina and in a lot of pain. Combination of stabbing, aching, gnawing plus headaches, dizziness and feeling sick. This is the only time during the month I am neither horny or hungry. I am ready to kill. Leave me the fuck alone.

Period Day 2. Pain eases off. Hormones are balancing. No longer want to kill everything in sight, but neither do I want to suck dick. Why? STILL bleeding from my vagina. Usually feel annoyingly hot or cold today.

Period Days 3-4. Pain almost gone. Hormones stabilised. Weight from water retention going down. Pretty much back to normal in myself. Sex drive rising back to normal levels. I would consider sex now, as long as the guy is not a cunt about the fact that…you guessed it…still bleeding from my vagina. Get a towel and don’t whinge like a bitch.

Period Day 5-6. Period nearly gone / gone. Sex drive completely back to normal. Weight nearly back to normal……I feel sexy and horny and ready to make up for lost time. Let’s go!

Happy Woman

Week 2. Normally the week after my period I am feeling on top of the world and yes….horny, but not as bad as….

Dita

Weeks 3- 4 For some reason, guessing hormones, this is when I seem to be at my worst. For the two weeks before my period I get increasingly frisky, and right up until Pre-period Day 2 I am just about ready to jump on someone. This is probably my body getting me in the mood to get pregnant. Assuming contraception is available, NOW is a great time to ask for sex. The closer we get to the DangerZone, the wilder it’ll get.

So….period sex stories. Yes I’ve done it with different guys. Did I like it? Yeah….kind of….some was better than others. I remember an ex’s group of mates referred to it as getting ‘Red Wings’… unfairly I thought as it feels nothing like flying (unlike Weeks 3/4!). It’s a bit messy, a bit naughty, but can be a lot of fun. I highly recommend dark towels and bed-sheets if you’re going to give it a go, and just avoid it if you’re a clean freak or the guy is squeamish, as not everyone appreciates their cock covered in blood, and some men are fainters. Haha.

Other things to consider with periods….try and remember when you’re due on. It can be a bit disconcerting if you’re having sex…or going down on someone….and then all of a sudden… Yes. I know a few stories and as funny as they are now, they weren’t to the people involved at the time.

Myself?

When I was a lot younger I was staying over a boyfriend’s mums and woke up naked in the morning wrapped in his arms….happy, comfy, feeling very loved, then I felt something on my leg and looked down. Was it his cock giving me a happy good morning? No. It was my period which had arrived in the middle of the night. All over myself….and him….and his mum’s spare bedroom set. I was MORTIFIED. He woke up as I was panicking. I took one look at him and burst into tears and it took him half an hour to calm me down.

I obviously got my days wrong and it was a complete accident, but you know what? That’s part of having sex and being human. It gets messy and these things happen, but  it’s NOT the end of the world.

So period sex…..if you actively choose to go for it (Red Wings up for grabs) or it just kind of happens all over you, don’t panic. Get a towel, have a shower, and chill.

If you’re not that keen…..just give it a couple of days. 🙂

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

LittleWelshMinx

Posted in dating, dating issues, experience, feeling sexy, fucking, menstruation, period, period sex, periods, Personal experience, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

A Minxy Guide to: A Dirty Weekend

donotdisturb

Hello my Dear Minx lovers, and welcome once again!

Today we will be exploring the fabulous world of the dirty weekend. Recently I was offered such an experience by a rather dashing gentleman friend, and I wish to share the wisdom of what we learned.

Dirty weekends away mean just that – a weekend, spent away, sometimes in secret, to have sex (or as much sex as humanly possible).

  1. Leave the laptop / Book a babysitter / Turn your phone off

In a digital age, more and more reports are coming out about people having less and less sex. This is a travesty and needs to stop. You have to make room in your life for sex! If you have a dirty weekend, this needs to be a time for you and your lover. This is NOT a work / child friendly zone. Make sure that you switch off anything that can connect you to the outside world and focus on YOU.

2.Location Location Location

We booked a REALLY swish hotel down on the south coast with a beautiful sea view. I was very impressed. You need to find somewhere that will make you feel completely relaxed and chilled out and just a tiny bit like a Bond girl. A huge bed a nice bar and restaurant and a no-kids policy will seal the deal. Somewhere cheap and cheerful can be equally as fun, but if you get the chance, splash some cash. Tap into your holiday budget and split the bill to make it go further. You only live once.

3. Buy nice underwear

This is a PERFECT opportunity to treat yourself to some sexy new lingerie. Time to hit up the high street for something silky and sexy, possibly with stockings. If you’re feeling adventurous, get something a little wilder – dress up, get a role play outfit or switch silk for leather, PVC or latex. I dropped some cash on a gorgeous new red set. While I recommend Boux Avenue, my sexy little number was from somewhere a little more wallet friendly.

4. Have a game plan

While you might be keen to just jump on your beau and get going, it always helps to have a rough idea of where the night (or days and nights) will lead you. Do you want to just rip each other’s clothes off or would you prefer a slow build up, some drinks and dinner first? Discuss this BEFORE you get there, especially if said beau is a casual acquaintance rather than a steady partner.

Also be prepared to change the game plan, and be flexible. You never know where a romantic midnight stroll, or a ‘quick’ shower or mid-sex cwtch or a bottle of bubbly may lead you.

5. Go hard, go wild, go home!

So when you’re finally there and it’s just the two of you…this is your chance to do exactly what you want, without interruptions, and a perfect opportunity to spend the whole night exploring fantasies, teasing and pleasing, or simply having AS MUCH sex as possible. As your partner what they’ve always longed for and tell them your wild ideas and dreams, and  apply the Vegas rule – what happens in Vegas / London / Brighton etc stays there! Be prepared to get very little sleep….one weekend many many many moons ago I was woken regular as clock work on the hour, every hour for a whole night. I woke up sandy-eyed and exhausted but incredibly happy.

This life is very short and it’s important to make sure you make time for the good stuff…this includes orgasms and sexy fun. 😉

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

littlewelshminx

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment